Disabled Couple: Too Costly to ‘I Do’ : Policy: They live on Supplemental Security Income payments, which would be cut because married couples get less aid than individuals.

Addie D’Agui and Michael Bergeron are like any other couple who fall in love and want to marry. But if this couple said “I do,” their combined income would drop substantially.

D’Agui and Bergeron are disabled and living on Supplemental Security Income payments. If they married, they would lose about $90 a month, a result of a government policy that provides married couples with less assistance than two single individuals.

The couple have no other source of income besides SSI, and both believe the system is unfair because it penalizes them for wanting to be husband and wife--and live their lives like their able-bodied counterparts.

“I think it’s terrible that couples like us can’t get married,” said D’Agui, 41, who has cerebral palsy and can walk, but she also uses a wheelchair. Bergeron, 34, also has cerebral palsy and cannot walk.

While D’Agui said it may be an “impossible dream” to one day marry, “my disability doesn’t stop me from loving somebody. We love each other.”

Once disabled people marry, they are subject to the SSI “couple rate,” instead of being treated as individuals, said Michael A. Helmer, operations supervisor for the SSI claims unit of the Social Security Administration in Santa Ana.

“When they get married, yes, their SSI is going to be affected . . . and it becomes more dramatic for someone solely on SSI,” Helmer said.

For example, Helmer said the current maximum SSI payment for a disabled individual is $603.40 a month. If a disabled couple married, they would receive a total of $1,109.22 a month, resulting in a reduction of $97.58.

The thought behind the couple rate when SSI laws were established nearly 20 years ago, is that “two can live cheaper than one,” Helmer said.

Helmer also said under SSI laws, if a disabled couple chose to live together and not be legally married and publicly consider themselves “Mr. and Mrs.,” they also might receive the couple rate.

“We could determine them as a couple if they’re holding themselves out to the community as a couple,” he said.

Instead of tying the nuptial knot, D’Agui and Bergeron, who met four years ago, decided to have their relationship blessed in a back-yard ceremony Sept. 25 at a relative’s home in Costa Mesa.

Attended by about 25 family members and friends, the ceremony wasn’t a legally binding marriage, nor was it religious in a traditional sense.

But the two, who are Christians, pledged their love for one another in a touching exchange of vows.

“Spiritually, I feel this is a marriage,” D’Agui said.

At the ceremony, Bergeron wore a black tuxedo and matching bow tie as he came down the aisle in a wheelchair. D’Agui walked down the aisle, with the aid of her brother, Mark, and sister, Nancy Piretti, both of San Clemente. She wore a pale peach dress with a white lace-covered bodice and carried a bouquet of peach roses.

“It’s a shame they can’t legally do it,” said Shari D’Agui, Addie’s sister-in-law, who coordinated the ceremony. “The system works against them. There’s no way to change the system to their benefit. They would lose money and they can’t afford that. They barely get by with what they have.”

Dave Taylor, an associate pastor at Calvary Chapel of Capo Beach, said he agreed to officiate at the ceremony because the couple’s relationship represents a special commitment that he believes has God’s approval.

“I’m focusing more on their commitment as friends--and it’s as close as they can get without a marriage,” Taylor said.

D’Agui and Bergeron are not the only disabled couple to face the frustrating financial obstacle.

Deborah Cheney Varos, spokeswoman for Anaheim-based Project Independence, which teaches disabled people independent living skills, said many choose to live together to prevent a cut in their monthly SSI payments. The SSI payments vary depending on income from other sources, such as employment, Varos said.

Varos said 15 couples in the independent living program in Orange County and Lakewood live together. There are 212 people in the program overall.

“When they bring marriage up, we tell them the consequences,” she said. “It’s devastating to clients.”

Some find themselves caught in a moral paradox because of their religious beliefs. “I don’t think it’s fair that we can’t marry and the church says it’s wrong to live together--and that’s what’s causing me problems,” said Sabrina Petersen, who is developmentally disabled and lives with her boyfriend in an Anaheim apartment.

Petersen, 32, said when her father told her she couldn’t marry the man she loves because it was financially unwise, she was crushed.

“I was disappointed. I wanted a church wedding. But without SSI, I couldn’t afford it,” said Petersen, who works part time. She added she no longer goes to church for fear of being chastised. “It really bothers me . . . because everybody has a right to be happy.”

Her father, John H. Petersen Jr. of Dana Point, a Project Independence board member, said he believes the current situation, codified in the SSI laws written in 1974, amounts to discrimination against disabled couples.

“There’s a definite need for lobbying. It’s a situation where there is a need to change the laws,” Petersen said.

Terri Cone and Mike Bach make their home in a Costa Mesa apartment. The couple dream of marrying one day, but for now, they can’t afford to lose their benefits. “I’ve been married before and I know what happens,” said Cone, 38, who has cerebral palsy. “My benefits were cut.”

Bach, 31, who has spina bifida, said he wants to legally tie the knot.

“I see my folks, and they’re happy,” he said, adding that he wants to be married “because of the commitment.”

They said their families treat them like a married couple even though they don’t have a marriage certificate.

“We feel like husband and wife anyway,” Cone said.

John and Larveda Price have their marriage certificate framed and hanging on the living room wall of their Lakewood apartment. Larveda Price said the couple decided to marry legally because of their religious beliefs.

“Normal people who love each other get married. Why couldn’t we?” Larveda Price said.

John Price added: “We got married because we love each other.”

The Prices, both of whom have cerebral palsy and use wheelchairs, married in a civil ceremony May 21, 1992. They said they are managing to survive despite the financial hardship.

“We scrape and spend, scrape and spend,” Larveda Price said. “We’re barely making ends meet.”

Both say they just want to live normal lives. “Our dream is to have a house, two children and some pets,” Larveda Price, 34, said.

But most importantly, John Price, 37, said: “As long as we’re together, we’re happy.”