THE SCENE : Out of the (Cigarette) Ashes, a New L.A.?

Paris in L.A.? Suddenly restaurants can’t get tables on the sidewalks fast enough, thanks to the city’s no-smoking ordinance.

It’s so civilized. Maybe, just maybe, it’s the start of a revolution.

Maybe restaurateurs and patrons will work together to beautify the streets. They could even en list the help of the cigarette lobby. Plaques could read “Trees by Marlboro,” “Enjoy this bench courtesy of Philip Morris,” “Historic street lights by R.J. Reynolds.” Seems only fair.

Of course, we’d have to do something about the noise. Most traffic noise comes from speed, so let’s slow down the traffic. Slowing down the cars will improve safety, too. Streets can be used for other things than moving traffic quickly. The medieval European cit ies we love to visit have small-scale, free-form street patterns where pedestrians and bicycles feel comfortable. Maybe we need “pedestrian engineers” to help us reweave the fabric of urban life that busy streets have torn apart.

While we’re talking about revolution, how about a no-TV ordinance? Think of it--front porches might come back in vogue, and socializing with neighbors. Literacy would soar. Conversation could become an art again. The average family would have seven more hours a day.

On second thought, the New York blackout of 1977 took out millions of TVs and caused a phenomenal jump in birth rates. You know what more babies mean--more cars. Maybe we better keep TV for a while.