Travel Psych : Away from Home Alone : A Veteran Traveler Argues the Virtues of Solo Travel

Lots of people talk about a trip they would like to take some day but say they can’t find anybody to go with them, so they keep postponing it.

Rather than sympathy, though, my response is usually, “Balderdash.” Solo travelers can have plenty of fun on the road, and over the years, I’ve come up with a list of 15 ways to enjoy traveling alone.

The factors that seem to make solo traveling so daunting--or the ones I hear most often--are the fear of loneliness, personal safety and cost. Yet I am a frequent traveler who has explored much of the world alone, and I know for a fact that it can be safe, pleasurable, rewarding, a boost to self-esteem and, often, quite companionable.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not making the case for abandoning your family for a solo jaunt, especially if they want to go along. I prefer having my wife as a travel companion rather than being alone. But if you have a strong desire to travel and can’t find someone to join you, take the trip anyway.

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As an adult, I’ve visited all 50 states and some 80 or more foreign countries, and much of the time I was traveling alone. So far, I’ve never been robbed, injured, felt unduly threatened or had a memorably bad experience. And I consider myself somewhat adventurous rather than overly cautious.

Just out of the Army in 1962, I rambled solo across the United States for three months using a $99 Greyhound Bus pass. In 1964, I spent several weeks exploring almost every country in South America by local train and bus wherever possible--all of it solo travel. And in 1972, before I met my wife, I put on a backpack and set off for a year to circle the globe, making my way alone for many months through Europe and Asia, again mostly by train and bus.

As a professional travel writer--a job I’ve had for the past decade--I travel alone all of the time. When I feel loneliness coming on, I start applying as many of my 15 remedies as I think I need.

Indeed, there are advantages to taking a trip alone. If you like history or fine art, you can indulge yourself at leisure in the great museums of Europe without feeling guilty. There’s nobody to drag you through the shoe shops and clothing stores that don’t interest you at all. You are on your own to wander as you please, which can be a rare and wonderful experience.

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I met my wife on a blind date just after I returned from my trip around the world. At the time, she was planning her first vacation to Europe and intended to go with a friend. But at the last minute, the friend canceled. So my wife-to-be went alone, returning three weeks later very enthusiastic. The trip was, she has often said , her first real adventure, and ever since, she has been convinced that meeting the challenge of solo travel boosted her overall self-confidence.

To enjoy a vacation alone:

1. Don’t fret about your solo status. Being alone on a holiday getaway doesn’t mean you aren’t liked or loved, it just means you have the urge, the time and the money to take a trip and your friends and relatives don’t. Maybe the place or activity that appeals to you doesn’t interest them. Why give up a dream just because no one else shares it? Instead of moping, count yourself lucky to be able to go. One, two or three weeks away will pass quickly, and you will have lots of things to tell the folks you left behind.

If I’m feeling lonely on a trip, I head for any place nearby where there is a crowd having a good time--an outdoor cafe, a pub, a mall, a park. Though usually I don’t make contact with anyone, I at least try to absorb the good spirits around me. It works. 2. Get out of your hotel room as much as possible. Plunge fully into the life of the place you are visiting. One of my personal rules is to never, ever order room service. Evenings are the time when loneliness hits hardest, and I can’t imagine anything lonelier on a vacation than dining alone at night in my hotel room. Instead, I search out good restaurants that will provide a couple of hours of fine dining and entertainment--preferably away from my hotel. Long ago, I overcame any hesitancy to dine solo in a fine restaurant, and I never carry a book to the table, as some solitary business travelers do. I keep interested watching the people at the tables around me.

3. Send postcards. Or, better yet, long letters. Such a touristy pastime, but there’s a great deal of comfort in it. A postcard or a letter is the chat with absent companions that you may be missing in your day’s activities. On my year’s trip around the world, I sent my parents a postcard from each of the 35 countries I visited as my way of keeping a link with home.

4. Buy gifts for the folks at home. This is another typical tourist preoccupation, much maligned by some travel writers who don’t realize how beneficial the time spent shopping can be. While you are looking for gifts, your thoughts are on the loved ones who will receive them. It is a way of keeping them near, although they may be an ocean away. Even toting the gifts around can be a reminder of the pleasure they will bring.

5. Call home regularly. My wife travels frequently in her job, and when either of us is away we make a point of calling each other every evening--no matter how many time zones we are apart. I look forward to our little talks. They are supposed to be brief, to keep the cost down, but I usually store up lots of anecdotes about my day and she listens patiently. When you see things that are impressive in your travels, you naturally want to share them, and the phone call helps.

6. Book an adventure or learning trip. White-water rafting, inn-to-inn cycling, mountain trekking, trail riding in the West--these are all ideal vacations for solo travelers. Facing a common challenge, strangers on an outdoor adventure quickly become friends. Typically, all meals are shared, so dining alone is no problem.

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I say this from experience. With absolute strangers, I’ve spent nine days on a raft splashing through the Grand Canyon, survived four days of rock-climbing with the Outward Bound organization in California, and spent a memorable week on a trail ride through the back country of Yellowstone National Park. I still exchange Christmas cards with some of the people I met on these outings. Go for an inexpensive hike in the West with the Sierra Club; sign up for a week’s lessons in golf, tennis, skiing, windsurfing or scuba diving at a good resort, or improve your culinary skills at a cooking school in Tuscany.

7. Be receptive to invitations. I know strangers can be dangerous, but they can also turn out to be good companions. I’ve found it’s easier to meet people as a solo traveler because couples, families and groups are often too involved with each other to invite outside contacts. With a stranger, you have to use common sense in making friends, but you should be open to the experience.

In Quito, Ecuador, a grandmotherly woman, a retired schoolteacher, struck up a conversation with me in the hotel elevator. I don’t look very intimidating, but I admired her initiative. She wanted to hire a car and driver to take a day’s tour to a market in a distant village. Would I be interested in sharing the cost? Yes, I would, and we had a wonderful time.

In New Delhi, I sat down at a table in my hotel bar next to a couple of young doctors from Canada, and they soon drew me into their conversation. A few minutes later we were joined by a young traveler from Denmark. Before the evening was over, the four of us had plotted a week’s pony trek together into the high mountains of Kashmir. Everything went off smoothly, and we parted friends.

8. Fill your day. When I’m on the road, I study guidebooks and tourist office literature in search of places and activities I think will interest me, and then I try to get to as many of them as I have time. In Europe, I visit museums by day, and in the evening I check my wallet and go to as many shows, concerts and other cultural performances as I am able to afford. You don’t have time to mope when you are busy.

9. Take a tour. If you are really leery about traveling alone, sign up for a fully escorted tour, and you will have company every mile of the way. To battle a temporary bout of homesickness, I sometimes sign up for a half-day walking or motor-coach tour. Or you might book an overnight excursion into the countryside. Escorted tours bring you together with other travelers in settings that encourage conversation and even budding friendships.

10. Don’t rent a car abroad. Instead, use public transportation to get around a city or to travel between cities and countries. Encapsulated in a car, you are assured of solitude, whether you want it or not. Buses and trains provide opportunities for friendly encounters with the local folks or other traveling Americans.

11. Stay in bed and breakfast inns. In this country, no lodging is as lonely as a motel. So I make an effort to find bed and breakfast inns when I’m visiting a small town or driving in the countryside. In a good inn, the hosts will greet you by name, and as you come and go they often will chat with you. On a recent trip, an innkeeper went out of his way to drive me to a scenic attraction. I even like the group breakfasts that many inns feature. At times, I have invited fellow inn guests to join me for dinner. On the other hand, avoid romantic inns or resorts that cater to couples, where any solo traveler is going to feel out of place.

12. Keep a journal of your trip. It is an ongoing conversation with yourself, except that you write about your day’s experiences rather than talk about them with a companion. As a travel writer, I take notes on assignment, which is much the same thing, and I find the writing helps to ward off loneliness. My practice is to work on my notes in late afternoon, in the time between sightseeing and dinner when I most miss being home. The task is easier when I do it where others are gathered: at a bar stool in a pub, in a chair in the hotel lobby, on a porch at a B&B;, on a bench in a park, at the pool or on a log beside a hiking trail.

13. Tote along several good books. Books are friends and fine solace on any occasion. On my year’s trip around the world, I often read in city parks or in my hotel lobby, absorbing companionship both from the story and the colorful hubbub around me.

14. Take personal responsibility for having a good time. A resort, a foreign city or a tour leader can provide a wide array of amusements. But if you are feeling gloomy, you won’t enjoy them. And that’s your fault, and no one else’s.

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So, as I do, give yourself a talking to. “Here you are in Kuala Lumpur,” I’ll say, “which you have always wanted to see, and nobody you know has ever been here. You’re really lucky, so what are you griping about? You may never get back here again. Get out there and start having a good time.” That sort of bawling out has shaped me up more than once.

15. Go for a long walk. It is my fallback cure, if all else fails. I am a thorough believer in the therapeutic benefits--mental and physical--of a long walk. When I’m feeling restless, I’ll pick a distant goal from my hotel or inn, a good hour or two away, and then head for it briskly and purposefully. As the city blocks disappear, I find, so does my restlessness.