In Business, All in the Family Works for Many : Employing a relative offers both rewards and pitfalls, say some in Orange County who’ve tried it. Traditional roles can be skewed, experts say.

Many workers look forward to the holidays as a time to get away from the people at work, but Barbara Henry doesn’t have that luxury. It’s not that she has to work those days, it’s that she celebrates the holidays with her bosses and co-workers, who also happen to be her relatives.

Henry, a floral designer at Macres Florists in Santa Ana for the past 11 years, works with her sister and brother-in-law, Tricia and Michael Macres, as well as her mother, Evelyn Trewett.

For the Macres and many others whose work and home lives intersect, how holidays are spent is one of a number of issues that must be addressed.

“Working with and for a relative can be both good and bad,” says Henry.

Like anyone who works for a living, Henry doesn’t always see eye-to-eye with her employers.

“There are times when personalities clash and we have to talk through a problem, but there’s also a closeness. I’ve had to take time off for medical reasons during the last couple of years, and I’ve never had to worry about whether my job would be there or not. If I were working somewhere else, it probably wouldn’t.”

Many businesses start out as family enterprises. Who better to help a fledgling operation get off the ground than a relative who may be more willing to work longer hours for less money than an “outside” employee?

But working with the people most others see just at home and at family gatherings can be hazardous.

“There’s an old adage that you should avoid doing business with friends and relatives,” says Steven Adam, a marriage, family and child counselor based in Newport Beach. “There’s probably some truth to that. What seems like a great idea to get the family working together in a business can present big challenges.”

Working with the family is the only kind of work Michael Macres has ever known. The Macres clan has been involved in the flower business for nearly 100 years, including the Santa Ana shop Michael’s grandfather opened in 1922.

“He was tough; he ruled with an iron hand,” says Michael, who has worked at Macres Florist for 32 years. “My father was different; he let me have some freedom and he didn’t stand over me while I worked, which is probably why I grew to like the business.”

Having a clearly defined “boss” is often the difference between the family business that succeeds or fails.

“You need to have that person who can make a final decision,” says small business consultant Peter Jackson of Fountain Valley. “And more importantly, the relatives/employees have to abide by those decisions for the good of the business. Otherwise, there will soon be no business and no family.”

It is a different experience managing employees when they are relatives than when they are not, says Michael Macres. Three of his four employees are in the family.

“After my wife, her sister and mother joined the business, it was kind of hard to disagree with them and tell them how we’ll do something, but I do it.

“Of course,” he says with a laugh, “in those situations things are probably said to me that wouldn’t be said to other bosses.”

While keeping family members on good terms with each other and turning a profit can be tricky, making it work when a husband and wife become business partners could be even tougher. “Couples that have successful businesses are able to maintain dual roles,” says Adam. “The role one has in a marriage is different from the role one has as a business partner. If they become too focused on the business, they can develop problems as a couple because the purpose of the marriage isn’t fulfilled.”

“We’ve found that talking, about anything, just talking, communicating, has helped us,” says Walt Parker of Parker’s Floor Covering and Draperies in Orange. He and wife Jodee began their business 11 years ago and have worked out a daily routine.

“We both get up early in the morning and that’s when we talk about ideas, philosophies or business,” says Walt. “Then when we come to work we just go off and do our own thing.”

“When we go home in the evening, we don’t talk shop,” says Jodee. “That becomes our time.”

When their sons were in their teens, the Parkers employed them for a short time and found that it wasn’t always easy having a child as an employee. “You tend to have greater expectations of an employee if he or she is related to you,” says Jodee. “And sometimes kids at that age have a difficult time getting along with their parents anyway.”

“It’s not uncommon for a parent and teen-ager to have issues at home that cross over to work,” says Marlyn Osborne, a marriage, family and child counselor in Fullerton. “But the key is to maintain clear boundaries. “At home, I’m being mother. At work I’m the boss, and I may say things to you as a mother that I wouldn’t say as a boss.”

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While having a child involved in the family enterprise has its challenges, having a parent working for you can be just as trying.

“It was difficult at first, having my mother work for us,” says Tricia Macres. “You’re put in a position where you’re telling your mother what to do; you’re judging her work.”

Her mother, Evelyn, is a retired banker who began helping out at Macres Florist last year and comes in three days a week to prepare the flowers after they arrive in the store. “We all understand that this is work, it’s not home. Then after work, we don’t take our work home,” she said.

A manager who still feels like a small child when dealing with a parent/employee, and can’t adequately supervise them could be facing a leadership crisis. “In that situation, the question that arises is, ‘Who’s really the boss?’ ” says Adam.

Perhaps more common is the child who is getting ready to take over a business from a parent who’s nearing retirement. “It’s not unusual to see a parent who might be controlling a child through money and position in the family business,” says Osborne.

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Even though some families who work together make it a point to separate home and business life, shop talk at family gatherings isn’t necessarily a bad practice. In a healthy family business, a relaxing dinner can be a great place to discuss new ideas or goals. However, it can also damage already frayed business/family relationships.

“When there’s a business problem and the people involved aren’t mature enough to separate their work and family relationships, shop talk can hurt,” says Osborne. Individuals who are out to get a colleague/family member may use a family gathering to insult or humiliate their target.

“We also relate differently to our family and our business associates,” says Osborne. “With a business associate, we tend to be diplomatic and polite. With a family member, we’re more likely to let it all hang out, which isn’t how most businesses operate.”

When the family business expands to the point where outsiders are hired, concerns are often raised about differences in how relatives and non-relatives will be treated.

“If the non-relative sees favoritism, he or she may not be as productive,” says Osborne. “If the relative/employee is able to open the manager’s door without knocking and everyone else has to knock, it sends a message.”

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Can family members work together without damaging their ties?

“I think everyone has to have the same goals,” says Mel Lindsey who owns and operates the Giant Step Learning Centers in Costa Mesa and Cypress with his wife and daughter. “It also helps if you all get along real well beforehand.”

After Lindsey retired as an administrator with the Long Beach Unified School District, he and his family opened their first child-care center in Costa Mesa in 1987. “We knew there were a lot of long hours involved and that there were a lot of different jobs to do, but we were determined. We weren’t driven by money--this isn’t a lucrative business; we just had our own ideas of how a child care center should be run.”

Joan Lindsey credits the success that she, her husband and daughter Debbie have had to the respect they have for each other’s abilities. “Everyone has their own niche and if you stay with what you do best, and everybody else does the same, working together isn’t that hard.”

“I’m a teacher and I love being with the kids, while my mom handles the books and finances,” says Debbie Lindsey. “I wouldn’t want her job, and she probably wouldn’t want to trade with me either.”

“Once everyone knows each other’s tasks and territories it’s easier to get along,” says Jackson. “When the workday starts, the family relationships you have with each other should be secondary.”

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For a family business to thrive, it may be best to check out the compatibility of the partners and employees well before the grand opening.

“In a case where you’re dealing with a relative who’s going to be an employee, you have to ask, ‘How should we handle it if you’re asked to do something you don’t want to do?’ ” says Osborne.

“I think you have to sit down and figure out if you all get along first,” says Michael Macres. “If you don’t, it’s not going to get any better in an employee-employer relationship.

“But if you get a good group of people related to you, it strengthens your business. Everyone thinks of it as their own place and they want the business to succeed; you can’t buy that kind of attitude from the average employee.”