‘How Much Must I Pay for Happiness?’ Lonely Singles Ask : Relationships: Looking for love in all the modern high-tech places can cost a bundle--and still leave you alone.
In the pursuit of love, no one has been more devoted than Paul Schoen.
He’s attended singles hayrides, singles hikes and singles house parties. He’s answered personal ads for athletic women (his preference), only to discover some who considered shopping an aerobic activity. He’s hired a matchmaking company, disclosing to strangers his marital ideal: a woman (age 21-42) who loves nature, simple pleasures and friendship. And he said it again, while the camera rolled, after joining a video dating service several years ago.
The grand total so far:
* Lasting romantic relationships: 0.
* Cost: $10,000.
“Maybe it’s worth it to other people,” says Schoen, 44, a businessman who lives in Towson, Md. “But at this point, it hasn’t been for me. It’s expensive, and I’m still single.”
You want to meet your soul mate? Fine. But know this: In today’s world, it will cost you, particularly if you opt for one of the many services or clubs that cater to the unattached.
Started more than a decade ago, the singles industry has expanded, matured and become highly specialized. Along with this growth, though, has come criticism from dissatisfied customers and some consumer groups.
Fueling these businesses is a simple fact: There are more single people out there. More than 80 million people are divorced, widowed or have never been married, according to the 1990 Census. That’s an increase of nearly 18% from a decade ago.
At times, businesses have raced to meet singles’ needs.
Single people, often facing more work pressures and less interest in the bar scene, are turning to services, ads and clubs to do the legwork for them. Technology has also increased the ways they can be united, through video, voice mail or computer match-ups. In addition to convenience, single people believe that they’re buying safety, security and the chance to meet high-caliber people.
Sometimes, though, they don’t get results.
Ace Alascio spent $2,600 to join a matchmaking service several years ago. In the end, he met 10 women, none of whom even remotely interested him.
“The ads on TV made it look so attractive and easy,” says Alascio, 51, of Glen Burnie, Md. “I had high hopes of meeting people. I was ultimately disappointed.”
In the past year in Maryland, the state attorney general’s Consumer Protection Division has received nearly 50 complaints about dating services. Most often, they are of two varieties: singles who have second thoughts about contracts they’ve signed, and others who believe that they’ve paid for something--usually the chance to meet bright, attractive singles--that’s not being delivered.
“We encourage people to go in, get information and take time to think about it before they sign a contract,” says Rebecca Bowman, Maryland’s assistant attorney general. “There’s no offer that’s so good that you have to take it on impulse. . . . And if someone tells you it’s a one-day opportunity, that should be a red flag.”
But when it comes to affairs of the heart, romance-hungry singles often let their emotions rule.
“The same people who comparison shop for a stereo or car come into a dating service and, if they feel comfortable, sign up. Men who make their living on sheer logic say, ‘What the heck? It’s $1,200. What do I have to lose?’ ” says Sharon Silver, author of “Singleland: Living It, Loving It or Leaving It.”
“I’ve had so many people come into my office heartsick. They’ve spent beaucoup bucks to find Mr. or Ms. Right, and every time they looked at a picture, they heard, ‘Oh, I’m sorry, he or she is not in our service anymore.’ ”
Psychologist Marvin Scherr has faced a similar problem working with singles. “People are willing to pay any price for the promise of meeting somebody,” he says. “Sometimes they throw caution to the wind.”
Cheryl McGee took out a $2,500 personal loan to afford a membership with Great Expectations, a national video dating service.
Before that, she had tried answering and placing personal ads with little success. “You’d meet for a cup of coffee at some place like Denny’s. And you’d rarely go out more than once or twice.”
But it was only after her worst date in 1992--set up through a personal ad--that she decided to try a different option.
“I agreed to meet this one fellow at a Wendy’s. . . . We had iced tea. Then he said, ‘Let’s go for a ride and we’ll get something to eat.’ We drove for an hour. He stopped at Wal-Mart, bought some fishing lures and then took me to the lunch counter there and bought me a hamburger.”
His expense? Excluding mileage and the cost of his purchase, $5.
“I laughed it off as part of the game,” says McGee. “But I couldn’t wait to get home.”
For McGee, 44, a teacher from Chase, Md., video dating has also proven a mixed bag. In a year, she selected 40 men she’d like to date based on their videos, pictures and one-page questionnaires. All of them said no. But in May, someone selected her video and asked her out. She’s getting married next month.
Even a happy ending has left her ambivalent, though.
“I had gone to the manager and told him the whole thing was a rip-off. I still have mixed feelings. It’s overpriced,” she says.
Phil Campitelli, director of Great Expectations in Towson, Md., says he cautions members that for every 100 matches, only three will work out.
“The good-looking people get selected more,” he says, “but the average-looking ones get married the most. . . . I tell people, ‘If you think the person’s ugly, you’re not going to get past first base, so to speak.’ ”
For that advice--and access to the library, which contains the member’s own video, picture and questionnaire as well as thousands of others--singles pay between $2,000 and $4,000 for a one- to three-year membership, he says.
Understandably, the fee produces certain expectations.
“There’s a feeling, ‘What’s the return on the investment going to be,’ ” says Campitelli, 38, who is separated. “I can’t make any guarantees.”
Silver, who gives workshops to singles, believes that the best--and most economical--way to meet is through work, friends, hobbies, and singles events and clubs, which generally charge between $5 and $25.
Despite disappointments, Paul Schoen is still on the lookout for Princess Charming. He’s just decided to limit how much money he’ll spend on the search.
“The money hasn’t been wasted,” he says. “It’s been an investment. But I feel my life would be fuller if I met the right person, so I’ll keep on trying.”
