Rams Getting Their Backfield in Motion? Go, Team, Go!

So, the Rams are dropping hints they may leave us high and dry?

As they like to say over at the Mensa Society: biggie-wow.

I wonder if the team needs any help packing. Some of my buddies and I would be happy to carry some boxes out to the truck for them. Maybe we could arrange a police escort, just to make sure they don’t change their minds somewhere out on the Riverside Freeway and double back. Come to think of it, the Rams are playing today in Phoenix (another storied NFL franchise). Any chance the Rams could just stay over there in Arizona?

It used to be that when a football team threatened to skip town, citizens would stop just short of offering up their children as human sacrifices, imploring the team to Please, please stay, we beg you, we can’t live without you . When the Colts left Baltimore several years ago, they had to do it in the middle of the night, just to avoid detection.

All we hear in Orange County is the sound of 2 million people yawning.

The only downside I can see is that losing the Rams might mean the Embraceable Ewes would also leave. Now, I would sacrifice children to keep the Ewes here. But let’s not panic just yet; maybe we could work out a deal.

Almost always when sports teams talk about bolting, it’s to squeeze more money out of a city or the stadium operators. Does the name Irwindale ring a bell?

Sports franchises also like to talk about how their presence bolsters a community’s sense of identity. Indeed, who among us in Orange County doesn’t swell with civic pride as we hear sportscasters give the weekly scores for the “Los Angeles Rams”?

Are there 12 people outside Southern California who even know the Rams play in Anaheim? Are there 12 people in Orange County who still care? And now that Joe Montana doesn’t even show up once a year with the 49ers, football in Anaheim seems to have lost all relevance.

Let’s face it, Orange County losing the Rams ain’t exactly like Brooklyn losing the Dodgers. I’ve lived in Orange County for seven years, but when I think of the Rams I still associate them with the Coliseum in Los Angeles.

If the Rams want to leave, let ‘em. We can say thanks for the memories (all four of them) and concentrate on something we can really and truly call our own.

Of course I mean the Mighty Ducks, who do you think? Where else did you think all this blathering was headed?

I have Duck Fever, or whatever they call it.

The reason Orange County loves the Ducks and not the Rams is all about style. I love the guilelessness of Disney. I’m proud to say I jumped on the bandwagon on Day 1 about naming the arena the Pond. Moreover, I love scanning the NHL standings and seeing “Mighty Ducks” listed. The name is so incongruous, especially for the rough-and-tumble world of hockey, that almost in and of itself it makes the sports pages fun again.

You think of the Rams, you think sterile. You think indifference.

You think of the Ducks, you think of a kids’ birthday party and a guy in a clown suit.

The Rams are downers.

The Ducks are happy sports.

The fact that the Ducks actually score more often than the Rams doesn’t hurt their appeal, but the team could be winless and they’d still be Orange County’s favorite. Who cares if we can pronounce all the Rams’ names and only half of the Ducks’?

Believe me, if the Rams carry out their implied interest and move elsewhere, it would free up more time to think about the Ducks. Winters will never be boring again with the Mighty Ducks around. Hockey season will carry us right into baseball season and then the Angels will be back and . . . oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to darken the mood.

If it’s local pride we want, the Ducks will bring more identity to Orange County than the Rams ever would, even if they won the Super Bowl.

Imagine no Rams in Anaheim.

As John Lennon sang: It isn’t hard to do.

Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. Readers may reach Parsons by writing to him at The Times Orange County Edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, Calif. 92626, or calling (714) 966-7821.