They’re King of Road. . . If It’s a Freeway

Who says the Kings can’t win on the road?

Put them on the freeway the day after a major holiday, send them 35 miles south and they’re unstoppable, beating the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim in Anaheim the way most NHL travelers do--that is, by the final score of 3-2.

This is why Bruce McNall pushed for expansion in the first place.

This is why they are not called “the Mighty Ducks of Saskatoon.”

Remember those grueling King road trips of yore? Seven games in 10 days at Philadelphia, Washington, Toronto, Buffalo, Montreal, Calgary and Vancouver? (Actual itinerary from January 1982). Or how about that recent swing that sent these Kings gasping into Christmas--five games, eight days, at Ottawa, Pittsburgh, Buffalo, Toronto and Calgary?

The Kings went 1-4 on that trip, and considered it a good one. The trip before that, they went 0-4. Overall before Sunday night, the Kings’ road record stood at 3-14-1--the worst in the league, which is truly amazing when one considers that Ottawa also plays in this league.

Why are the Kings so bad on the road?

Theories abound, the most popular being, in increasing degree of blatant rationalization:

1. They’re too small. Barry Melrose is the leading proponent of this one, and some have said he’s taken it too far. I don’t know, grabbing people off the street in downtown Buffalo and screaming in their faces, “WE NEED BIGGER DEFENSEMEN!” seems like perfectly reasonable behavior to me.

Melrose is obsessed, to the point where his point is now a running gag on press row. When Mike Donnelly (5-11) flubbed a shot with the net open in the first period, one writer quipped, “If he was 6-3, he would’ve scored.”

How important is size in hockey? Well, the Ducks are big--Stu Grimson is 6-5, seven others are 6-2 or taller--and they would have had trouble putting the puck in Newport Bay Sunday night, let alone that tiny net behind Kelly Hrudey. The Ducks took 34 shots against Hrudey, not counting those that went cracking high off the plexiglass, caroming off the dasher boards or spraying up into the stands, 15 rows deep.

Two went in.

Paul Kariya is 5-11, 175 pounds--and what wouldn’t Ducks Coach Ron Wilson give to have had those supple wrists on the ice this night?

Footnote: The Kings beat the Ducks on a pair of goals by Pat Conacher. Conacher stands 5 feet, 8 inches in his stocking feet.

2. They miss Marty McSorley. They must. With McSorley chaperoning Wayne Gretzky down the ice and bullying forwards across the continent, the Kings reached the Stanley Cup finals last season. This season, with McSorley wearing Pittsburgh Penguin black, the Kings keep getting sand kicked in their face. Before Sunday, the Kings were 11th in a 12-team Western Conference--two points behind the Ducks and San Jose.

Thus, the Bring Back Marty movement has taken hold. What would it cost to bring the old lug back? Shawn McEachern and a No. 1 pick? McEachern and Tomas Sandstrom? Luc Robitaille and McNall’s $400,000 Honus Wagner baseball card?

Just do it, the Kings fans say--and the Kings players have picked up the chant.

“You keep hearing Marty is going to come back,” Warren Rychel says. “I don’t know. I’d pick him up at the airport.”

After a ticker-tape parade down Manchester Blvd., McSorley would then arrive at his old Forum locker stall, suit up, lead the Kings back to the final, win the Cup, come back to L.A., rebuild L.A., push Clinton’s health-care plan through Congress, find a cure for cancer and, next summer, win 20 games for the Angels.

3. They’re distracted by rumors that they’re going to be traded. Who’s headed out the door? Better to ask, who, short of the Great One, isn’t?

(Short? Who said “short?” Melrose wants to know.)

“I’m sure if Barry doesn’t feel like the mix is right,” Rychel says rather matter-of-factly, “some changes will be made. Everybody’s been thinking about trades.

“I’ve been traded seven times. Life goes on. You load up the truck and hit the highway.”

No big deal, Rychel says.

No big deal, or so the oft-burned Kings fans hope.

In their last two big deals, the Kings traded Paul Coffey, who’s headed for the Hall of Fame, for Jimmy Carson and Gary Shuchuk, who aren’t, and McSorley for McEachern, which is where we all came in, isn’t it?

Temporarily, the Kings found salvation in Anaheim. They were outshot by the Ducks, 34-24, and they were outhustled by the Ducks, but they weren’t outscored--and that makes it two road victories in a row, at Calgary and at Anaheim Arena, a season high.

“Two in a row!” Melrose exclaimed, punching his right forefinger into a reporter’s open notepad. “I want that in the paper! Above the fold!”

Conacher hadn’t scored a goal since Oct. 27, had five in his first 29 games . . . and then scores two in his first appearance at Duckland.

Surprising?

“I’m always surprised when I score,” Conacher said with a laugh.

So what did he think of the place?

“I like any building we win in.”

So, yes, if you’re asking, the Kings love Orange County. Can’t get enough of it. Would like to play here three times a week if they could.

Give them a road opponent you can reach by bus within 45 minutes and the Kings can play with the best of them.

Next, McNall lobbies the Board of Governors for new expansion franchises in Oxnard and Antelope Valley.