How Parents Can Spot and Stop Shoplifting

Although a child’s shoplifting may catch a parent by surprise, the warning signs are easy to watch for, and the best solution--and preventive measure--is communicating values and instilling self-worth.

Psychologists and police say parents should look out for new clothes, shoes, jewelry, games or cosmetics that a teen-ager can’t afford.

“We tell them, basically, pay attention to your kids,” says Detective Rick Papke, head of the LAPD’s Hollywood juvenile unit. “If you see them wearing new clothes or jewelry, know how much money they’re bringing in. Don’t be so naive when they start saying so-and-so gave it to me.”

Because habitual shoplifting involves elaborate lies to explain the stolen items, parents also should question their children’s claims that they borrowed an item or bought it cheaply from a friend.

“This takes a parent being up to date on the styles, the trends, the prices and values,” psychologist Robert Rome says.

If a parent does catch a child shoplifting, psychologist Bella Schimmel says, “the most important thing is that it be faced. That the child be told this is wrong. And that some kind of restitution be made.

“They should go back to the store and return (the stolen item). The parents should make very clear that this is not acceptable behavior.”

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By keeping that discussion clear and open, and by avoiding long lectures or heated criticism, parents can increase the likelihood that their kids will listen, psychologist Michael Peck says.

And establishing lines of communication with their children before the problem occurs can help parents detect shoplifting before it becomes a habit, he says: “Kids get to this age and start keeping secrets. If parents develop the habit of good, open communication, they may be able to spot a change early on.”

Sometimes shoplifting may indicate deeper emotional problems or unexpressed needs, Peck says, and counseling is necessary: “(Parents) should also say ‘I know something else is bothering you. We need to go as a family for professional help.’ You need to see it as you would drug use or drinking.”

Concerns about fashion and image may also motivate a teen-ager to shoplift, and Rome says parents should let their kids know that while they can’t provide for all their material wants, they do take their desires seriously and are willing to compromise by buying items on sale or by helping them find an after-school job.

More important, he says, is educating kids about their self-worth before the problem begins, letting them know “that there are ways of expressing oneself in which the person can feel value and doesn’t have to wear $200 shoes to feel that value.”