Women Can Fly Solo at Parties and Still Soar

The ballroom is buzzing with the chitchat of about 100 couples at Le Meridien Hotel in Newport Beach, where the Lincoln Club of Orange County is holding a dinner benefit.

And everywhere she looks, Paula Lingelbach of Laguna Beach sees the cheerful camaraderie she has come for--but not one familiar face.

It’s a problem. As a woman who regularly hits the nighttime social scene solo, Lingelbach counts on spotting an acquaintance who will help her make it through that awkward moment when she first sails into a crowded room.

She orders a glass of wine, takes a place at the edge of things and waits. In a few minutes, an acquaintance surfaces, and Lingelbach disappears with her into the throng.

“I had a super time,” she said the following day. “ That’s why I go out.”

For Lingelbach and other women like her, staying home because your husband or boyfriend dislikes the social scene--or because you don’t have a date--is tantamount to wasting a life.

“I’m a people person,” Lingelbach said earnestly. “I need people very much in my life. My husband doesn’t. He’s very self-sufficient, does his own thing.”

There was a time, years ago, when her social peers didn’t think she had a husband, she said. “I went out alone even then. When they learned I was married, they told me I’d better bring him to the next party they had. So I brought Bud, and he had a terrible time.”

Waltzing into a social event, sans escort, brings her a special brand of freedom, Lingelbach said. “I don’t have to worry about my husband being unhappy. If the event doesn’t work out, I’m fine with it.”

Tiffany Vice President Jo Qualls, who is single, agrees. “Going out alone gives you the freedom to say hello to a lot of people,” she said. “When you are with a date, you are more confined and worried about him.

“A few years ago, there was an expectation that you absolutely be escorted to a black-tie affair. Now, I see a lot of women coming alone. Women are more committed than ever to the community. And that means going out a lot to support it. At best, it’s difficult to plan constant companionship for every event.”

For Neiman Marcus executive Billur Wallerich, who is married, participating in a nighttime social event without her husband is less nerve-racking. “He doesn’t enjoy these things. If he is there with me, I feel I must be watchful--cater to him. If I’m alone, he’s home and I take more out of the event. It’s a win-win situation.”

Does her husband mind? “If he did, I wouldn’t go,” she said. “He thinks it’s OK.”

Performing arts philanthropist Zee Allred is another single woman who paints the town red by herself. “I only go where I know I will be comfortable, though,” she said, “where I know I will be with friends.”

For women who long to step out alone but are afraid to do so, Allred has this advice: “The more you do it, the easier it is. It’s great fun. Somehow, you must make the effort.”

When Nordstrom couture coordinator Anita Tabib attended a dinner party at the Bowers Museum of Cultural Art last week, it marked the first time she attended a gala by herself.

“The person I was supposed to be with couldn’t make it,” she said. She said she thought about staying home. In fact, the idea of showing up solo terrified her.

But she decided to go for it. “I thought this was something I could attend alone because my hostess was a friend,” she said. “The hardest part was that first minute, not knowing what I was going to face. The rest was easy. I had a wonderful time.”

Would she do it again? “Maybe; it would depend on the circumstances.”

*

Newport Beach socialite Jolene Engel said she doubts she’d ever attend a gala evening by herself. “I can’t imagine my husband letting me out the front door without him,” she said. “He’s the one who signs up for all of the events. He wants to be there as much as I do.”

But she said she has the utmost respect for women whose husbands aren’t as enthusiastic about the social swim. “I think it’s wonderful that they’re out there--more power to them,” she said. “I wish I had the courage to do it. Very strong women seem to be able to pull it off. Me, I’m shy.”

After her divorce in the early ‘80s, Lois Driggs Cannon of Laguna Beach made the decision to party alone. “I had so much fun; I was usually the first one to arrive and the last to go home,” said the woman who is now Mrs. Buzz Aldrin.

“I decided that the fact I was alone should not make any difference--that the stress of being home alone was greater than going out alone,” she said. “Even now, when Buzz is out of town, I don’t hesitate to go out by myself.”

People generally are very receptive of women alone, she said she has found. “I say to women, ‘Don’t stay home.’

“ ‘You never know when you’re going to meet someone who is interesting, who can add to your life.’ ”