Commentary : REUNION SHOWS OF THE FUTURE: BRACE YOURSELF

I was watching my preview tape of NBC’s “Hart to Hart: Home Is Where the Hart Is,” benignly numbed by Stefanie Powers, Robert Wagner and their pleasantly predictable performances, when I realized: The next TV generation is in big trouble.

Let’s face it. Most baby boomer and post-boomer stars--not to mention the TV concepts they’re associated with--aren’t going to age well.

Where are we going to find the “Matlock,” the “Burke’s Law,” the “Hart to Hart” of the future?

Look, nobody’s going to mistake the latest “Hart to Hart” TV movie, which aired Feb. 18, for art. It’s your quintessential low-brainer, star-driven murder-mystery vehicle--as intellectually taxing as a game of Clue.

And yet “Hart to Hart” and its stars still hold up. Do you think we’ll be able to say the same--10, 15 years from now--about those snotty kids on Fox?

Maybe it’s the genre that makes the difference. Romantic adventure stories and detective dramas have some definite advantages. If the actors or their acts start to look a little tired, you can always prop them up against a good plot. Throw a couple of death threats and nostalgia-inducing guest stars their way, and you’re off. (The last “Hart to Hart” movie featured Alan Young of “Mr. Ed” fame as well as Roddy McDowall and Howard Keel.)

You just can’t do that with narcissistic, Angst- driven dramas and chew-’em-up, spit-’em-out personalities. People need TV shows they can grow old with. Which makes you wonder what some of your favorites series are going to look like when they make their TV movie returns somewhere down the road ...

Picture, if you can:

* “Beverly Hills Retirement Home, 90210”: It’s the year 2080, the party’s over and the money has run out, but Dylan (Luke Perry), Brandon (Jason Priestley), and Brenda (Shannen Doherty) et al are still hanging out and hanging on. Sure, it’s future shock: They’re on life-support; they’ve got wrinkles. But they’re together.

Well, maybe not totally together. Kelly and Dylan are still having some problems, and Brandon is senile enough to think he once dated Brenda. But otherwise, they’re fine.

* “Melrose Place: Evicted From Eden”: Sad but true, Billy (Andrew Shue) and Alison (Courtney Thorne-Smith), the last of those hot-loving tenants at Melrose Place, are out on the street after realizing that they spent all their money on cute clothes, going out to dinner and impulsive and expensive flights across the country. Heather Locklear returns as Amanda, former Melrose Place landlord-turned-soap-opera-star. Amanda, ever plotting, offers Billy the chance to run away with her (actually, she wants to hire him as a butler) but Billy, after some whining from Alison, declines.

* “The Full House Murder Mysteries: And Then There Were Two”: Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen share a double role in this whodunit about a girl who claims to be Michelle Tanner’s identical twin. Though there’s murder in the title, nobody is actually killed. This is, after all, still a family show. Bob Saget guest stars in his first public appearance in 20 years.

* “Sein-Off”: Jerry Seinfeld brings his one-man Broadway show, inspired by his long-running series, to television, playing a Broadway star who has brought his show, based on his long-running series, to television. Oy. Some critics complained the comedian’s obsession with bodily functions gave them a case of “Sein-U-Sitis” a long time ago. “The ones with all their body parts still working always complain the loudest, don’t ya think?” responds the 75-year-old Seinfeld.

* “Family Matters Goes to Paris”: How much Urkel (Jaleel White) can one country stand? Considered a comic genius in France, White pays homage to the land that loves him best with a two-hour romp in gay Paris. Though his pants, voice and ratings have dropped in recent years, hard-core Urkelians will no doubt be delighted with the story line in which Urkel’s unusual approach to clothing sparks a fashion revolution.