Lesbian Couple Has a Child for Love, Political Statement : Lifestyle: ‘A family is defined by love, and we have it,’ one woman says. Her partner adds that they wanted children for the same reasons that heterosexual couples do.

It’s a sunny Sunday afternoon, perfect for a poolside baby shower in suburban Miami.

“It’s a Boy!” proclaims the banner over the front door. Guests stream through to the back-yard patio for hors d’oeuvres, punch and word games.

After an “Earth mother” ceremony in which a wreath of flowers is placed around the pregnant woman, presents stacked on a table are opened for her son-to-be--shirts-and-pants sets, T-shirts, playsuits, toys.

The baby shower is for Ann Harrington and Mindy McNichols. Harrington is pregnant; McNichols is her lover.

Sitting side by side, they share in the gift-opening, in testimonials from friends and in explaining why they decided to bring a baby into their complicated world.

“It’s overwhelming to know that we have all this support,” McNichols told the shower-goers, who include relatives, friends and fellow activists from women’s political and gay-lesbian rights groups. “A family is defined by love, and we have it. For us to have a child, for lesbians, today it is a political act.”

“Nobody asks heterosexuals why they have children,” Harrington says. “We want to have children for the same reasons heterosexuals have children. I’d like other women to know this is something definitely doable, something not to be afraid of.”

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For many lesbians, 1993 brought a stronger feeling than ever of openness, of “coming out” about their sexual orientation, and that has fostered an increased openness about parenting.

Although no one knows the number of lesbian parents in the United States, few dispute that the ranks are growing, aided by the increasing availability of artificial insemination and support services that lessen the complications of rearing a child.

Support groups number in the hundreds across the nation--one organization, the Gay and Lesbian Parents Coalition International, has about 60 chapters--and dozens of educational books and videotapes are available to gay parents and their children.

“It’s certainly been a growing thing,” said Debbie Frank, a clinical social worker. “It’s been happening now for quite some time.”

Two years ago, Frank began offering parenting workshops for lesbian couples in South Miami. Now, she can refer couples to several doctors in the community who will help gay women become pregnant.

But openness, of course, doesn’t necessarily bring acceptance.

Court decisions on the rights of lesbian parents, both biological and non-biological, have been mixed, according to Abby Abinanti, legal director for the National Center for Lesbian Rights in San Francisco. Same-sex marriages aren’t recognized, and custodial rights are interpreted inconsistently.

“Several states are going case-by-case,” Abinanti said. “There are certain states where it’s county-by-county.”

Harrington and McNichols used a California sperm bank for Harrington’s pregnancy, with the donor waiving any future legal rights.

If something happens to Harrington, though, courts might not recognize rights for McNichols. Anticipating that, the couple has drawn up 11 documents, including a will and trusteeship, aimed to at least provide proof of their intent to rear the child together.

Some court decisions in Florida have recognized such parents’ custodial rights, guided by what the judge determines to be in the child’s best interest. But there also have been decisions that refuse rights even to biological parents who are gay.

“His homosexual lifestyle is so indicative of moral unfitness that it disqualifies his ability to live up to and perform the societal duty of parenting children,” Duval County Circuit Judge A. C. Soud wrote in July in denying a gay father’s request for unrestricted visitation with his two children.

David Caton, a state leader of the conservative, church-based American Family Assn., said his group is adamantly opposed to homosexuals’ being parents.

“It’s totally inappropriate to place the custody of a child in somebody’s hands who is known to be engaging in antisocial behavior that is destructive in nature,” he said.

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One evening last summer, McNichols and Harrington, her stomach just swelling, sat in their living room and discussed their decision to have a child together.

“This is something I’ve always wanted to do,” Harrington said.

“Why shouldn’t we be able to do it?” McNichols chimed in. “Times are changing. There are a lot more single women who are mothers, more not-so-traditional relationships, more acceptance.”

When they began seeing each other three years ago, the desire to become parents was important to both. Neither had wanted to be a single mother, but once they were certain they were committed to each other, they began weighing their options.

Deciding to have a child was a political statement, they acknowledged, but that wasn’t the reason.

“We both love children,” said McNichols, 39, who has 10 brothers and sisters. Harrington, 38, has three.

Their first question: Who would get pregnant?

Both were working for the Department of Health and Rehabilitative Services, the state’s social services agency. But they decided that since McNichols, then an attorney at HRS, had the potential for higher income, it would be better to have her continue working.

(Harrington noted, however, that because their baby can’t be covered under McNichols’ insurance, she must return to work when her maternity leave ends even if she wanted to be a stay-at-home mother.)

The next question: How would the designated woman get pregnant?

McNichols and Harrington had met another lesbian couple who used artificial insemination and recommended it. They tried at-home insemination unsuccessfully, and finally had an intrauterine implant in their doctor’s office. The cost: $2,000. The conception date: Feb. 26, 1993.

Next came breaking the news to relatives, friends and co-workers.

“I think they were a little shocked,” Harrington said of her family. “They’ve all known that I’ve been a lesbian for years. They assumed I wouldn’t have children.”

After initial questions of “are you sure you know what you’re doing?” both families were supportive. Some co-workers were cool to the idea, with reactions ranging from “that’s great” to silence. And most friends were enthusiastic; they wound up having four baby showers.

Then, they said, came the special questions, such as what the baby will call McNichols. “I hated Mommy I and Mommy II,” she said of one suggestion. They expect to wind up with some combination of Mommy and Mindy.

They plan to explain their relationship to the child “in stages,” but never to be secretive about it. “I don’t want my child to grow up thinking there’s anything wrong with the way I live,” McNichols said.

They will make sure, she said, that he has positive male role models in his life. They think he will grow up more tolerant and open-minded.

Although the research field is fairly new, studies thus far haven’t shown that having gay parents harms children. The children face some teasing, but gay-parenting advocates note that virtually every child is teased about something, from weight to athletic ability to, yes, parents.

In a legal brief last December supporting the appeal of a lesbian mother in Virginia who lost custody, the American Psychological Assn. said that research has shown sexual orientation “does not affect parenting abilities” and that some studies have indicated gay parents might even be more sensitive parents.

The studies don’t link parents’ sexual preference and their children’s.

“I presume he’s going to be heterosexual,” Harrington said of their child. “Having heterosexual parents didn’t make me heterosexual.”

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Braden McNichols Harrington, 9 pounds, 1 ounce, was born Nov. 23 at Mt. Sinai Medical Center. Harrington was in labor 13 hours, with McNichols at her side coaching her through natural childbirth.

Both were in tears as they held him for the first time.

“It’s so incredible, so thrilling,” McNichols said.

“It’s a miracle,” Harrington said.

Back in their living room the next week, they said they may have more children, and McNichols hasn’t ruled out being a biological mother.

“I feel like we’re more in love than ever,” she said.

Braden looked up, wide-eyed, and quietly squirmed as a visitor cradled him.

“They’re so trusting,” McNichols said, beaming down at him. “So innocent.”