Celebrity pavement: Intrepid host John Cunningham recently...

Celebrity pavement: Intrepid host John Cunningham recently had a surprise guest star on “Driveways of the Rich and Famous,” his periodic series on public access television. While Cunningham often wangles riveting interviews with the gardeners, maids and chauffeurs of the stars, he actually ran into none other than Madonna while filming.

Proving that she needs no scriptwriter, the Material Girl ad-libbed this memorable line:

“You’re in my driveway!”

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Depending on the city for a lift: After reading these “emergency phone procedures” inside an elevator at City Hall, Bob Hill of Burbank wonders how many mayoral administrations you might have to endure before being rescued.

1. Pick up telephone receiver.

2. During normal working hours 6:45 a.m. to 4:15 p.m., dial 55617, or after hours, weekends and holidays, dial 53367.

3. Stay on the line until someone answers.

4. Tell person you are stuck in elevator No. 4, City Hall South.

5. Person will contact elevator mechanic, who will assist you.

6. Hang up telephone receiver.

7. Stay calm. Assistance is on the way.

8. Push red button on the control panel to sound car alarm.

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Hidden message? At a Metro Rail construction site in the Wilshire area, Dennis Levin of L.A. photographed a sign that appeared to bear a new term to describe a person walking near a train station.

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Attention pet lovers: “I got the enclosed flyer in the mail,” says Tim Estle of West Hills, “and this ad just jumped out at me.”

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If you can break free that day . . . A flyer announcing a reunion of the 1954 class of Wilmington’s Banning High School is posted inside the Long Beach Criminal Courthouse, of all places.

We can just picture a prosecutor and an ex-defendant laughing about old times.

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Mooning the authorities: Fine Line Features certainly didn’t shy away from the fact that its release, “Bitter Moon,” was directed by Roman Polanski, the well-known fugitive. Polanski, you may recall, fled to Europe after pleading guilty in 1977 to a charge of unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor during a party at actor Jack Nicholson’s house.

When “Bitter Moon” opened, Fine Line initially headlined its movie ads with this classy bon mot:

POLANSKI IS IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD!

We’ll pause until you stop laughing.

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It’s true--a courthouse with a slip-and-fall hazard: You’ll have to take our word for it that we were absent for two weeks because we were on jury duty. We were never selected for a panel, though the experience didn’t lack for excitement. Twice, the escalators in the Long Beach courthouse slammed to a halt while we were riding them.

miscelLAny:

Amtrak’s Coast Starlight (L.A. to Seattle) run was recently designated a “nonsmoking train,” though passengers are permitted to light up “on station platforms” at a few stops, including San Luis Obispo, Sacramento and Klamath Falls, Ore. (all of which will probably sue). Smokers are warned to “be prepared to re-board immediately when the notice of departure is given.” Especially if the engineer doesn’t like smokers.