A Little Kindness Never Hurt? Sure
I have received a rash of letters taking me to task for my column on the efficacy of committing one random act of senseless kindness, to the end that the world will be made a better place to live in.
As I noted, this maxim, in that form, was first enunciated by Charles Wall, a professor at Bakersfield College. Like many popular ideas, though, it seems to have had several origins.
A persistent story is that a woman in a red car (sometimes a Honda) pulls up at a tollbooth on the San Francisco-Oakland Bay Bridge and tells the gate man, “I’m paying for myself and the six cars behind me.”
This has the ring of an urban myth--a story that arises spontaneously in urban areas and can neither be proved nor stamped out. The woman is said to have read this note stuck to a friend’s refrigerator: “Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty.”
I was skeptical about this commitment to altruism. I pointed out that an act that may seem kind to one may seem impertinent or obtrusive to another. I raised the old saw, “No good deed goes unpunished.”
Melanie White writes that I apparently lack the imagination to think up any acts of random and senseless kindness, and she offers several suggestions, all of which seem to me to risk unpleasant consequences.
She suggests “buying a flower for somebody you’ve never met.” So I buy a flower for a good-looking stranger and she says, “Haven’t you ever heard of sexual harassment, you lecher?”
“Taking cookies to a neighbor.” My neighbor would probably say, “Don’t you have any brownies?”
“Stopping to allow another driver to turn in front of you, even though you have the right of way.” Meanwhile, the angry motorists behind you honk up a storm.
“Paying a total stranger a genuine compliment.” “Lady, you have great legs.” Whomp!
“Offering something you have to someone who needs it (i.e. an umbrella on a rainy day.)” How do you get the umbrella back? Follow the person home in the rain?
“How disappointing,” White goes on, “that Smith, who professes a love of language, so utterly missed the key terms of the philosophy-- random and senseless .”
Jerry Houser, director of the Career Development Center at USC, chides me for suggesting acts of kindness are not easy to think up. “Kindness is not complicated,” he says. “Wake up and look around you. Are you so deadened you can’t see opportunities for kindness all the time?”
He offers some ideas:
“Buy a balloon for a nice-looking kid in a grocery store.”
Angry father: “‘If I want my kid to have a balloon I’ll buy him one.”
“Clean up a dirty restroom in a gas station.”
Have you ever seen a dirty restroom in a gas station? My God! You’d have to have a fire hose.
“Pick up some papers along the sidewalk.” Won’t do any good. Litterbugs love clean sidewalks.
“Buy three extra candies from the school kid who’s trying to raise money for their school.”
Selling candy door-to-door is a nefarious practice leading inevitably to cavities and dental bills.
“I dare you to put your creativity to work thinking of one crazy and unique way to be kind rather than focusing on what’s wrong.”
Houser has added crazy and unique to random and senseless , which does make more of a challenge.
I think cleaning out a gas station restroom would be unique. I’ve never heard of anyone doing it and I can’t imagine it.
Paying for someone in the car behind you at a toll gate is truly senseless. The guy behind you is probably driving a Rolls-Royce and already has his toll in hand. Besides, the line is going to be held up while the gate man tries to explain to each succeeding driver that some ding-y lady in a car ahead has paid his toll.
Adair Lara makes several suggestions in Glamour magazine. “A man plants daffodils along a roadway.” While cars and buses whiz by?
“A student scrubs graffiti from a park bench.” Only to give the next artist a clean slate.
“A concerned citizen roams the streets collecting litter in a supermarket cart.” And gets arrested for stealing the cart from the market.
Lara goes on: “A group of people with pails and mops descend on a run-down house and clean it from top to bottom while the elderly owners look on amazed.” I’ll say I’d be amazed. If a group of citizens descended on our run-down house with pails and mops, I’d call 911.
I certainly am not against random and senseless acts of kindness and beauty. It’s just not easy to bring them off without repercussions.
Why not decide to do no harm, and let the kindness be spontaneous?
* Jack Smith’s column is published Mondays.