LAUGH LINES

Bill Clinton’s “D-Day Dictionary,” courtesy Robert W. Morgan Show, KRTH 101.1:

Omaha Beach: Hillary’s new Nebraska land deal.

Spit ‘n’ Polish: Arkansas carwash chain.

Draft: After-jog beverage of choice.

G.I. Bill: Longtime companion of G.I. Joe.

Foxhole: Little Rock singles bar.

Enola Gay: What Tony Enola said to beat the draft.

Navy: Color blazer that goes best with gray slacks.

Recruit: Main duty of Arkansas State troopers.

Orders: Four Big Macs, three large fries, two chocolate shakes.

Taps: What Gennifer Flowers had on her phone.

M-16: Number on White House jukebox for “Heartbreak Hotel.”

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Just in from Rome: During their visit last Thursday, Jay Leno reports, “Clinton kept referring to the Pope as Pope John Paul II, and the Pope kept referring to the President as Jimmy Carter II.”

Comic Argus Hamilton, on the short 40-minute length of the Pope-President meeting: “It must have been a casual conversation. That’s not near long enough for Clinton’s confession.”

Hamilton, on Italian newspapers announcing that Hillary Clinton’s wardrobe lacked imagination: “No one has an imagination like the Italians. During the entire visit, they pretended they were on our side in World War II.”

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Short takes: Tony Peyser, on the 10-year-old boy at the University of South Alabama who just got his degree in anthropology and became the youngest college graduate in America: “He did a stunning paper on prehistoric man but refused to do one on prehistoric girls ‘because they have cooties.’ ”

Bob Mills, on Oliver North’s promise to Virginia voters: “He says that if he wins a seat in Congress and is sworn in, this time he won’t cross his fingers behind his back.”

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Two men are discussing psychology when one asks: “What’s a Freudian slip? I never understood that term.”

“Easy,” the second man says. “It’s when you say something but the words come out different than you intended, revealing some hidden psychological truth about you. For instance, last night I was over at my parents’ house for dinner. I said to my mom: ‘Mother, your overbearing attitude has completely ruined my life! I am a total failure because of you!’

“What I really meant to say,” he continued, “was, ‘Please pass the salt.’ ”

----Richard Ashby, Ventura

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Selma Gilmore recalls the time her son, then 8, played a wise man in a church Christmas pageant:

“In his fine regalia, he marched on the stage where Mary, Joseph and the baby Jesus were in the manger, walked up to the shepherd standing there and said: ‘Take me to the manager.’ ”