Well, he can’t be everywhere: Allen Emerson...

Well, he can’t be everywhere: Allen Emerson of Topanga, who heads the area’s volunteer arson watch, had to change residences recently. While he was away, one of the other occupants had a mishap in the kitchen and the house burned down.

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What would you get if you combined the state’s two U.S. Senate candidates?KCAL’s Jerry Dunphy revealed the answer on election night when he referred to Senate hopeful “Michael Feinstein.” The singer-pianist?

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Star wares: Descriptions (and estimated values) of some items in the “Space Memorabilia” catalogue of Superior Auction Galleries of Beverly Hills.

* “Unopened Meal Pack Complete . . . ‘Day 1 Meal C’ package of freeze-dried food with white Velcro tab. Unflown. The only label we can see reads ‘Chicken Salad’ ” ($500-$750)

* “1978 Intercosmos Space (Stamp) Issue Picturing the Wrong Polish Cosmonaut” ($1,500-$2,000)

* “Errors, Freaks and Oddities on Apollo Issues from Middle Eastern countries” ($100-$200)

* “Cosmonaut Survival Machete” ($400-$500)

* “Liquor Decanters . . . in the shapes of astronauts, moons, space capsules, etc. Each contains liquid of unknown character.” ($500-$750)

* “Flown ‘Personal Hygiene’ Bag. . . . Used originally for ‘wet wipes’ . . . in personal hygiene and then used by Col. Titov to carry the 35-mm Nikon camera with him back to Earth. . . .”($250-$500)

* “Certificate for the 1st Annual L.A. County Astronaut Day . . . signed by the five county supervisors.” ($150-$250)

* “1977 Flown Hungarian Hors d’Oeuvres Unopened. . . . This may still be edible. This is the first tin of Hungarian space food we have seen.” ($250-$350).

The items go on the block June 25-26. Better get there early. That certificate signed by our supervisors won’t last long.

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A deduction for singles?We wonder if Jeff Earle, a narrow loser to Steve Kuykendall in a state Assembly primary race in the Palos Verdes area, was hurt by his startling proposal for “lover taxes.” It was spotted in Earle’s campaign literature by Betty Meissner.

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A way out for Surf City: Heroically attempting to save Huntington Beach millions of dollars in legal fees, David Reid has come up with a substitute name for the city’s shrine, now called the Surfing Walk of Fame. As you no doubt know, the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce, which owns the rights to the phrase “Walk of Fame,” has threatened to sue.

Reid suggests: “The Walk of Foam.”

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Blue flew?We thought fears of a massive LAPD sickout during the labor negotiations had ended with the hiring of a mediator. Still, it wasn’t comforting to see the Stars and Stripes outside City Hall flying in the international distress position.

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It just isn’t easy being a man: We pointed out that the Southern California doctor whose ad touts the wonders of penile-lengthening operations in “Men Only!” ads is now facing competition from another specialist in the same, uh, field.

There’s been still another development. A colleague spotted a local ad that begins:

“Our law firm is investigating cases of penile implant failure caused by defective design. If you received a penile implant that failed and you want to know whether you have a case. . . .”

Well, even if you don’t, at least you didn’t have to pay any lover taxes.

miscelLAny:

Parking tickets written in Beverly Hills are processed by a company in the Orange County city of Tustin. Well, what do you expect from a city that doesn’t do its own windows?