Laugh Lines : JOKES

Jay Leno, on Kathleen Brown’s pledge of 1 million new jobs in California: “If she could just find one for her brother Jerry, it would make me happy.”

Leno, on Sonny Bono’s GOP primary win for a seat in Congress: “But Fred (Gopher) Grandy, of “Love Boat” fame, lost his race in Iowa. This maintains that delicate balance of marginally talented celebrities running for Congress.”

Among David Letterman’s Top 10 Least Popular Summer Jobs:

* Mopping up at the gym after “Sweatin’ to the Oldies” class.

* Ed Asner’s lotion boy.

* Assistant to clumsy janitor who works in the research lab studying that flesh-eating virus.

* Baby-sitting the Menendez brothers.

* ZZ Top beard detangler.

* The guy who checks Ebert for ticks.

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Funny in clubs: “All comedy is based on repressed hostility. Sigmund Freud said that--and Carl Jung threw a pie in his face.”

--Victor (the Living Buddha) Marcel

“Hoping to find a date, I resorted to the personal ads. I kept meeting divorced men. Maybe I should’ve tried a different paper besides the Recycler.”

--Karen Maurise

A Ken doll for the ‘90s: “They’ve made Ken’s eyes sparkle so at least it looks as if he’s interested in what Barbie’s saying.”

--Charisse Sauarin

“The Postal Service wants to raise the price of a first-class stamp from 29 cents to 32 cents. We all know what the extra 3 cents is for. Storage.”

--Argus Hamilton

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Believe it . . . or not: Because of difficulties with its pronunciation and spelling, the country of Bosnia-Herzegovina has changed its name to “Louie-Louie.”

Earlier in his life, Mahatma Gandhi turned down a $100,000-a-year job offer from his brother, Rudy, to become publisher of Soldier of Fortune magazine.

Before “In God We Trust” was chosen as the slogan to be printed on our nation’s currency, other serious considerations included “Hang in There” and “Keep on Truckin’.”