Anything-to-Make-a-Buck Dept.: Craig Cook phoned his brother...

Anything-to-Make-a-Buck Dept.: Craig Cook phoned his brother Barry in L.A. to report that a Ford dealership in Gainesville, Ga., “had--first thing Saturday morning--placed a white Bronco atop a ramp with a large sign reading: ‘As seen on TV.’ ”

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Heart-warming but stomach-turning: Our mention of the woman who saved her unconscious parakeet’s life with some timely mouth-to-beak resuscitation prompted a note from Virginia Abrams about a near-drowning at her house in Burbank.

The victim was a garden lizard that “we rescued from the bottom of the swimming pool,” Abrams said. “He looked like a goner--he wasn’t moving. My husband, Jack, immediately held him to release water from his lungs and, with my granddaughter and great-granddaughter looking on in amazement, he began mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Soon his legs (the lizard’s) began to move and we knew he was still alive. . . .”

Abrams adds, “And that’s not all. A few weeks later, after we came home to find our litte pet box-turtle at the bottom of the pool in the same situation. . . .”

Thanks, Virginia, but we’ve got to go. We’re starting to feel a bit queasy.

Now we’re really losing our appetite: Wendy Haskett came upon a menu variety of fish that sounds as though it was left out of the water too long.

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If these last two items made you skip lunch . . . Don’t worry. There’s no hurry. Kenneth Zimmerman found a restaurant in Long Beach that advertises:

“Lunch Special, Only $2.99. Good until 9:30 p.m.”

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Somb assemblg rekuird: Chris Watt bought a solid oak toilet seat that came along with these easy-to-install directions:

1. Insertstud in slot in hinge post as shown.

2. Start self genteringnuts onstuds.

3. Tightenfrom abovf with a gonvntional grewdriver.

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Precedent: Jack Crickard of Glendale, a retired Superior Court judge, writes that during a visit to Prescott, Ariz., he heard a television announcer say that a local couple’s bridal registry was at a Tru-Value Hardware store.

Crickard asks: “Does this ever happen in L.A.?”

We’re proud to report that it has.

Armstrong’s, a West L.A. hardware store, established a bridal registry in 1992. One bride-to-be even listed among her hoped-for wedding gifts: Two cubic feet of dung.

Alas, nary a guest scooped it up for her.

miscelLAny:

Several months after Linda Mann’s shot of a post-earthquake sign ran in Only in L.A., we heard from Annette Riggelsen of Denmark. She wants to buy the photo on behalf of her company: The LEGO Group. Perhaps LEGO will make the homeowner’s wish come true.