Strawberry Talks of Nine Years of Abuse : Baseball: At a news conference held by the Giants, former Dodger star says he finally is free of drugs and alcohol.

It was a somewhat different Darryl Strawberry who faced the media Saturday at Candlestick Park, the first time he has spoken publicly since he went AWOL from the Dodgers on Easter Sunday and entered the Betty Ford Center for treatment of drug abuse.

Strawberry appeared to be more open than in the past, saying for the first time that he had been a consistent user of drugs and alcohol for all but the first two years of his 11 years in baseball. Flanked by his brother, Michael, and Manager Dusty Baker, Strawberry said he doesn’t really know what he is capable of doing on the field free of alcohol and drugs.

“I am looking forward to walking on a baseball field for the first time with a clear mind,” he said.

After a lengthy opening statement and the formalities of presenting Strawberry with a San Francisco Giant jersey--he will wear No. 17--Strawberry said he had lived his baseball career “on the edge.”

“I played baseball because I loved the game but I didn’t focus on life, I focused on what the outside of life was--nightclubs, drinking, partying, women, and it’s a serious matter you have to deal with,” he said. “The key for me was getting honest with Darryl.

” . . . It was a very consistent abuse throughout the last nine years, and like I said, I was in denial. I really isolated myself from everybody the majority of the time. But I am out of it today, and now I can sit here and explain the abuse of alcohol and drugs over the years, but I’m lucky to be alive. I could be Len Bias or someone else.”

Although Strawberry’s drug abuse began while he was with the New York Mets, he said it continued when he returned home to Los Angeles and signed with the Dodgers before the 1991 season.

“It was easier for me (in L.A.) , I grew up there and knew all the back streets,” he said. “It was an unfortunate situation, but I don’t take anything away from the Dodger organization, they gave me a great opportunity. But I took the wrong action and I had to pay a price for that. “

Strawberry says he holds no grudge against Manager Tom Lasorda, who described Strawberry’s substance-abuse problem as a weakness, not a disease.

“Tommy is a wonderful guy and he just has his opinion,” Strawberry said. “I still love Tommy and always will.”

Strawberry had completed a program for alcohol abuse in 1990, but said he didn’t follow the aftercare program, believing he could do it himself. To help him this time, Strawberry’s brother, Michael, will travel with him and make arrangements in each city for Strawberry to attend Alcoholic Anonymous meetings.

“If you don’t work the program, you are going to relapse,” Strawberry said.

But Strawberry’s participation in the news conference ended abruptly, when, in an uncharacteristic public display, he broke down when asked when he first realized he was no longer in denial.

As he recalled going in front of his peers at the center, he began to cry and Baker took him away to the Giant clubhouse.

Strawberry will begin a minor league stint at the club’s triple-A team in Phoenix on Monday.