Southern California Voices / A FORUM FOR COMMUNITY ISSUES : Multicultural Manners : Relatives Rebuff Buffet Service

Nancy, a native Californian, marries Miguel, a newcomer from El Salvador. She is fluent in Spanish, which her in-laws appreciate. They warmly welcome her. Nancy enjoys being with them and happily accepts gracious invitations to the many parties given by Miguel’s large family. To reciprocate, Nancy plans a barbecue for 30 of his relatives.

Anxious to please her new Salvadoran family, Nancy works hard preparing barbecued beef, rice, beans, salads, cakes and cookies. Because they are such a large group she sets out the food buffet-style. However, when Nancy asks everyone to help themselves, no one steps forward and an awkwardness develops among the guests. Unbeknown to Nancy, she has offended them.

What went wrong?

Many Salvadorans are more formal about serving food. Unfortunately, Nancy had not remembered that while in the relatives’ homes, each hostess had filled plates with food and delivered them to each guest. From the Salvadoran point of view, helping themselves was embarrassing and seemed “cold.” As a new wife, Nancy was expected to personally serve all her husband’s family. Luckily, Nancy’s friend, Joanne, solved the problem by stepping in and serving each one. That broke the ice. In time, Nancy and her in-laws came to accept each other’s differences in styles of entertaining.

Rule: Guests from other countries may be uncomfortable with a casual “help yourself” style of home entertaining.