DuBay on Gay Identity

* Like William H. DuBay (“Sexuality Is Not Just ‘Gay’ or ‘Straight,’ ” Commentary, Aug. 26), I wish everyone understood that sexuality is more than gay and straight, gender more than traditional male and female. And yes, coming out can lead to adopting a stigmatized role, etc.

But DuBay de-emphasizes the fact that it is in the larger society we find the primary source of stigmatization and the ultimate reasons why people group together around categories and identities.

I believe DuBay also understates the benefits of coming out. Fifteen years ago, Tom, a co-worker and friend, asked me into his office and told me he was gay, and wanted friends and colleagues to know. Our relationship didn’t change--a comment on us, not on society. But I can’thelp believe that Tom felt better and more secure in our friendship than before.

The fact is, Tom and I and DuBay live in a world that uses over-simple categories. I believe that as more gays and lesbians come out, that will diminish.

CHARLES A. GOLDSMID

Claremont

* DuBay’s argument about sexuality is as puzzling as it is troubling. At first glance he seems to advocate staying in the closet, but in conclusion he seems to argue that sexual orientation should become a non-issue. This point is correct. Sexual orientation (gay or straight) is not an aspect of an individual’s existence upon which she or he should be judged.

Unfortunately, DuBay makes another fallacious point which indicates where he stands. When he asserts that coming out only helps to “organize more and more of one’s personality and life around sexual behavior,” he is falling prey to the incorrect assumption that heterosexuals do not organize their lives around sexual behavior.

The next time DuBay sees a young couple dancing together, holding hands, getting married, making a home and raising a family he should bear in mind that these too are actions organized around sexual behavior. He should also remember that in many states gay men and lesbians can be prosecuted for attempting to do the same.

JOE ROLLINS

Santa Barbara