This irk-a-day world: We can’t explain why...

This irk-a-day world: We can’t explain why traffic slowed to a crawl on the Ventura Freeway at midday, unless it was because the makers of a “Brady Bunch” movie were displaying prop trucks that flashed the messages, “Gang War Riot Ahead” and “Killer Bee Gridlock.”

The signs, at the Van Nuys Boulevard on-ramp, were supposed to be out of the sight of drivers but . . . well, that’s show biz.

“Unbelievably weird,” said KNX traffic reporter Dona Dower. “Why the Ventura Freeway? Why not the Simi Valley, where there’s never any traffic?”

At least none of the motorists decided to join in the “riot.”

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Some pork that should have been in Clinton’s crime bill: Billie Hart, who has an information booth at the World of Pigmania exhibit at the L.A. County Fair, contends that pigs are better than those celebrated K-9 units at sniffing out drugs.

“A pig’s smelling capabilities far exceed that of dogs,” says Hart. “A pig doesn’t have to sniff around the drugs--he gives one snort and goes straight to ‘em.”

We could see the LAPD forming an Oink-9 unit. The only problem we could envision is if the charging porker couldn’t fit through the doorway.

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The post office is on strike, too?After reading the cautionary statement on the envelope he received from Unocal, Gerald Bronson wasn’t sure whether it was worth affixing a stamp to it. No wonder the post office is always having money problems.

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Who needs the Dodgers anyway?After all, Long Beach will field a minor league team in 1995. It has a home stadium--at Cal State Long Beach. What it doesn’t have is a nickname. The team, owned by 643 Sports Inc., has requested suggestions through today.

With the deadline upon us, General Manager Paula Pyers says she has received more than 2,000 offerings, including such expected ones as Waves, Breakers, Surf, Breeze and Gulls.

Some of the more offbeat suggestions:

* Beach Bums

* Beach Hogs

* Catalinas

* Killer Bees

* Leprechauns

* Lobsters

* Looney Tunes

* Sand Fleas

* Tamales

* Wart Hogs

And one contributor, perhaps anticipating that the new team would emulate the major leaguers, suggested:

* Strikers.

miscelLAny Pioneer Robert Widney explained that he started a horse-car line in the dusty little pueblo of L.A. in 1873 because “we lived way out of town” and he wanted to make sure his wife “could get in and out of town without so much trouble.” Where was “out of town?” The Widneys lived a few blocks south of present-day City Hall on 6th Street.