Sitcoms, Sitcoms, Sitcoms: Joke’s on Us

What’s wrong with kids today?

Tonight is the new season’s evening for parental heartache, whether it’s the obsessive mother on ABC’s “All-American Girl” or the neurotic father on CBS’ “Daddy’s Girls,” which follows the already premiered “The Boys Are Back,” where both parents appear traumatized.

Rounding out tonight’s premieres are NBC’s “The Cosby Mysteries,” which was not available for review, and the CBS hour “Touched by an Angel,” which provides the funniest comedy of the new season. Even though the comedy is unintentional.

It’s appropriate that television represent all segments of U.S. society. In that regard, the comedy series “All-American Girl” proves that prime time is an equal opportunity maligner.

Just about everyone in a typical sitcom is deeply flawed in some way, to say nothing of being severely demented. Long omitted from this prized arena, it’s now Korean Americans’ turn to take their lumps.

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Last week’s unreviewed, unfunny premiere of “All-American Girl” found Korean American Margaret Kim (stand-up comic Margaret Cho) offending her caricaturish old-world mother by stubbornly dating a white guy, and a real boob at that. Ultimately, Margaret caved in and gave him up, pleasing her entire family.

A thoroughly Americanized 22-year-old college student, Margaret lives at home--above her family’s bookstore in San Francisco--with her immigrant parents, grandmother and two brothers, the oldest of whom is a submissive toady despite being a brilliant cardiology resident.

At times sounding like a blabbing fortune cookie (“Go out with garbage, expect to be dumped”), Margaret’s controlling mother (Jodi Long) is a relentless matchmaker to childish extremes, desperately seeking to fix up her daughter with a traditional Korean guy. Although last week’s attempt to do so backfired, tonight she tries again, fishing another male name from her “son-in-law” computer file.

The episode’s rare humor comes when the independent Margaret tries to bridge this culture gap by cramming Korean lore and feigning giggly demureness and subservience (“whatever you say, Raymond”) in the presence of her “traditional” date and his own family.

Much of this material is supposedly based on the autobiographical stand-up act of the likable Cho, who is much longer on energy than laughs in this venue, bringing to mind an old television proverb: Present unfunny comedy, expect to be dumped.

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At least the Kims have only one rebellious daughter. Compare that with the terrible crises facing a woeful parent who is making his debut on CBS.

How do you spell aggravation? D-u-d-l-e-y M-o-o-r-e.

Dudley Walker, Moore’s sleep-around, model-dating playboy character in “Daddy’s Girls,” has mounting miseries. He’s a fumbling dress manufacturer whose wife has run off with his partner and best friend, Phil. His youngest daughter, 16-year-old Phoebe (Keri Russell), is wild about a long-haired slug named Scar. His pushy middle daughter, Samantha (Meredith Scott Lynn), wants to be his new partner. His multi-wed eldest daughter, Amy (Stacy Galina), is about to marry again, this time to a dull (is there any other kind?) ophthalmologist.

And, worst of all, Dudley is about to learn that his wife is attending the wedding with--oh nooooo--Phil. Just how does he get himself into such fixes?

The bigger question is how the comedically gifted Moore got himself into such a series, whose opening is pretty much a witless mess centering on the wedding and a search for hot new silk jersey to make dresses.

Nothing with Moore in it can be all unfunny. Every time he says “Scar” in that nasal whine, for example--pausing a millisecond afterward to let the absurdity penetrate--you want to laugh. And his man/child character here is a variation of the kind he has previously played so adeptly in feature films.

Overall, though, Walker’s immaturity is grating and the premiere’s attempts at humor are clumsy, as is Harvey Fierstein’s effeminate designer character, a walking cliche.

Silk jersey or no silk jersey, “Daddy’s Girls” looks to be a bad fit for everyone.

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If you’re seeking a real campy hoot, though, “Touched by an Angel” may be the answer to your prayers.

Roma Downey, best known to U.S. audiences as Jackie Kennedy in the miniseries “A Woman Called Jackie,” is an angel called Monica in this feminized version of Michael Landon’s old NBC series, “Highway to Heaven.”

A sort of novice angel who is getting her first shot at the big time, Monica’s assignment from God is to hang around Earth and help mortals in need. Tonight that turns out to be a sad little boy who lives with his police officer father, his guilt-ridden mother having run off after being involved in a car crash that killed her daughter. Somehow, Monica must find a way to reunite this family.

Although Monica is the kind of looker a lot of people would like to be touched by, the premiere’s only life form is Della Reese as Monica’s acerbic mentor angel, Tess. At least when Tess is around, your eyelids lighten somewhat. Otherwise, things get pretty clunky, including when the screen turns all chalky each time Monica performs an angelic act of epic proportion.

Even more basically, if you were the Almighty and wanted to send an angel to help earthlings without attracting the notice of “Hard Copy” or “A Current Affair,” would you put her in a see-through dress and have her look like the sexy Monica?

In one of the most memorable straight-faced scenes of the new season, the thinly clad Monica shows up at the little kid’s house, where she shoots the father one of her flirty looks and applies for the job as nanny.

“I don’t know what it is,” the father says stonily, as if shaking the cobwebs from his hormones, “but I got a good feeling about you.” Consequently, he hires Monica without even checking her references. Obviously, he hasn’t seen “The Hand That Rocks the Cradle.”

“Touched by an Angel” is excruciatingly slow, putting Monica through a period of disillusionment and sassy reproach from Tess before grinding to its inevitable wondrous ending. With “Roseanne” and “Grace Under Fire” looming opposite them on ABC, here are a couple of angels who themselves may need a miracle.

* “All-American Girl” airs Wednesdays at 8:30 p.m. on ABC (Channels 7, 3, 10 and 42). “Daddy’s Girls” premieres at 8:30 tonight, followed at 9 p.m. by the premiere of “Touched by an Angel,” on CBS (Channels 2 and 8). “The Cosby Mysteries” premieres at 8 p.m. on NBC (Channels 4, 36 and 39).