Youth Opinion : ‘When You’re High, You Don’t Care’

I’ve been drinking since I was small. The drugs probably came when I was 12. I wanted something more so I started smoking weed. Weed wasn’t enough so I went to acid. One leads to another.

I was looking for escape. I was always running from my problems. And drugs were my partner, my best friend.

I grew up in a very violent house. People got hit for no reason at all. There was never any solution.

My parents separated when I was 9. I was very ashamed of it. I was left under my mom’s custody but ran away (at age 11) because I wanted to be with my dad. I haven’t stayed in the same place for more than about six months since then.

I got involved in a tagging crew. But tagging is just the way to start. Then you go to other kinds of parties and you find more and more drugs. I never bought drugs because all my friends used to love to give them to me.

I enjoyed the high. But that wasn’t the main reason I took them. I just didn’t know how to handle all that stuff (with my family). When you’re high, you don’t care. I forgot about how messed up my life was.

I would wear big old pants and big old long T-shirts. I got molested when I was smaller. I used to think that if I would show off my body, it was going to happen to me again. So I needed to hide.

I had to be dragged to the van that brought me here. But when I got here, I said I just might as well accept the fact that I was in here to change. What helped me most was the family I have here: Evelyn, Dolores, Michele, Monique and Ralph, (staff and friends at Phoenix House). They helped me grow, telling me, “You can do this, don’t give up on yourself.”

I’m a whole different person. I have goals. I want to graduate high school. Before, I didn’t know what school was. I want to enlist in the Marines. I want to go to law school, be a defense lawyer. I want to have a family. I want to become rich.

I know how to handle things now. On my last home pass, my mom was arguing with my little brother and I said, “Why don’t you guys just talk about it? Have you ever tried that?” My mom didn’t know how to deal with that. She burst out in tears and so did my brother.

I’m very confident and feel good about myself. I don’t think I’m the best, but I’m the best that I can be right now.

We have a concept here that you can’t keep it unless you give it away. I’ve been given the life change but I can’t just keep it, I need to give it to young girls in the program, to my friends out there who are having problems.

I don’t want to forget where I came from. My old friends are crying for help but they don’t know how to get it. I write to them, giving them advice. But I don’t plan on being around those people anymore. I’m planning to keep myself busy and stay away from that stuff.