A Different Position on Quality of Americans’ Sex Lives

Even if you were under the misguided notion it was none of your business, you probably haven’t avoided hearing about the new national sex survey. The results debunk America as the promiscuous, sex-drenched society that we all thought we lived in. As dispiriting as that may be to some, facts are facts. Deal with it.

The survey, designed by researchers at the University of Chicago, concluded that Americans are more monogamous and less prolific than commonly thought. Sexual tastes and behavior are fairly conservative. In fact, Time magazine devoted its cover story to the survey and said the findings suggest “the sex lives of most Americans are about as exciting as a peanut butter-and-jelly sandwich.”

Alysia Batchelder, the 24-year-old office manager of The Pleasure Company in Irvine, isn’t so sure. “The $4.5 million we made last year tells me a lot,” she says.

Who better to talk to about the new survey on sex in America than the proprietor of an “adult boutique” like The Pleasure Company?

And how appropriate that it be located in that citadel of rampant sexuality: Irvine.

The boutique Batchelder runs is wedged into one of those Irvine industrial parks and is surrounded by printing companies, graphics firms and places with futuristic high-tech names that give you no idea what they do. The lone exception among her neighbors is the stripper business next door that, according to Batchelder, is being run out by the city.

Batchelder’s boutique, which has been in business 13 years, sells such things as lingerie, sexual aids and adult “toys.”

With a clientele that’s split about evenly between men and women, Batchelder says people’s sexual interests aren’t as bland as the survey suggests. The survey, for example, found the missionary position is far and away the most popular.

“Our primary clientele is businessmen and women,” she says. “The large majority of our customers are married and are looking for something just to spice up their love life, usually toys and lotions.”

She agrees with the survey findings that people are more monogamous these days, attributing that to a fear of AIDS or other transmitted diseases.

Batchelder has worked at the shop for three years and is also a psychology major at UC Irvine, hoping to be a marriage and family counselor with an emphasis on human sexuality. As such, she pays attention to what her customers say.

“I wouldn’t say people are pulling away from monogamy,” she says, “but I would say they’re pulling away from boring missionary positions in the dark.”

Knowing that customers might be self-conscious, the store tries its darndest to be friendly. “It’s not like we’re a dark, dingy Harbor Boulevard-type place,” she says. “It’s well-lit and we have lingerie in the front half of the store, we have a man and woman working in the store at all times, so if a person prefers to speak to a man or woman, you have them there. A man probably doesn’t want to come up to me and say, ‘I have an erection problem.’ ”

Indeed.

I asked Batchelder’s reaction to the survey’s finding that 54% of American men think about sex daily, compared to 19% of women who do. “I would assume that’s incorrect. I think women have been socialized to not talk about sex, and they’re not supposed to think about it, but they do.”

For the record, she also thinks the 54% figure for men is too low.

If outsiders have a misconception about her business, she says, it’s that her customers are weirdos.

“People will come in and say, ‘I bet you see some strange ones in here,’ but, really we don’t in Irvine. It’s more middle-of-the-line people. It surprises a lot of people that we’re in such a conservative area of Orange County, and yet we do such a good business.”

Your explanation for that, I inquired.

“I think everybody needs some,” she replied.

Moving quickly along, I asked if the general mood at the shop is serious or light. “Over the lunch hour, we get a lot of girls from the offices around here, coming in and having a good time laughing and giggling. Everything from that to husbands coming in, very serious, needing something to keep romance alive. Primarily, it’s just people wanting something to add a little spice, but we do have some people who have marriages on the blink who say, ‘I need some help.’ I think most of those people, especially being where we’re located in Irvine, have shrinks.”

Batchelder says the city of Irvine seems to be trying to curtail adult businesses. Listening to her talk about the ordinariness of her customers makes you wonder who the city is trying to protect us from.

From each other, I guess.

I won’t say if it’s good or bad that Batchelder’s observation is that middle America isn’t nearly as “peanut butter-and-jelly” as the survey reports.

On the other hand, maybe that had some hidden meaning. After all, consider the possibilities for peanut butter and jelly. . . .

Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. Readers may reach Parsons by writing to him at The Times Orange County Edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, Calif. 92626, or calling (714) 966-7821.