Don’t Celebrate Yet, Ohio, the Winless Still Dominate

THE COLLEGES

Cincinnati, you surely know, leads the world in the manufacture of soap products. But it wasn’t until last weekend that the city was able to wash away some of the ignominy of this season.

Through an incredible coincidence, the University of Cincinnati and the Cincinnati Bungles recorded victories--the first of the season for each.

Luckily for Bottom Ten selectors, Ohio has plenty of other winless teams, including Akron and Ohio U., which became joint leaders of the prestigious rankings on the non-strength of losses to Eastern and Western Michigan. Or was it Southern and Northern Michigan? Well, no matter.

Meanwhile, John Mackovic, No. 13 Texas’ beleaguered coach, said a key factor in the Longhorns’ recent 1-3 streak was an injury: his own. Since an Oct. 1 sideline collision, Mackovic explained, he has been “watching the team play and watching things happen and I just wasn’t able to respond as quickly.” No wonder he hasn’t made a single tackle in that time.

The rankings:

School, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Akron (0-9) 18-42, E. Michigan Ball State 1. Ohio (0-9) Its coach E. Michigan 3. Iowa St. (0-8-1) 20-38, Kansas St. Nebraska 4. Ga Tech (1-7) Its coach Clemson 5. Houston (1-7) Idle Texas 6. Kentucky (1-8) 6-24, Vandy NE Louisiana 7. The Smus (1-8-1) 10-17, Rice TCU 8. Losing St. U. (2-6) 17-35, Alabama S Miss 9. Wake Forest (2-7) 8-24, Clemson N Carolina 10. Utah St. (2-7) 31-49, E. Washington Nevada

11. The Pitts (2-7); 12. Arizona State (3-6)); 13. (Tie) University of Texas at El Batted Down Paso (3-6) and Texas (on a 1-3 roll); 15. Tulsane (merger of Tulsa and Tulane) (3-14); 16.-19. Pentagon (Coast Guard, Army, Navy, Air Force) (16-19); 20. Notre Dame (one victory in last four weeks).

It’s (Pardon the Expression) Academic, Now: Attorneys for some Washington Huskies players withdrew their motion for an injunction to temporarily end the probation that bars the team from a bowl game. The reason? The Huskies’ third loss on the football field--a 28-46 pasting by previously hapless Stanford.

THE PROS

You have to feel sorry for Houston offensive coordinator Kevin Gilbride. Last year he was punched on national TV by defensive coordinator Buddy Ryan (whatever happened to Ryan, anyway?).

Now, General Manager Floyd Reese makes Gilbride look like an incompetent by ordering the playing of gimpy quarterback Cody Carlson the entire game against the Pitts.

The result? A 9-12 loss in which Carlson threw eight consecutive incompletions, was sacked six times and admitted afterward, “I’m out of shape, no doubt about it. I haven’t been able to run since the beginning of the season.”

The Seattle Seashocks, meanwhile, had the roof fall in on them during their seasonal debut at the Kingdome--a humiliating 17-20 loss to the Bungles. The game drew 46,630, Seattle’s second-smallest non-strike crowd. Many fans apparently stayed away from the Kingdome out of fear of being hit either by falling roof tiles or wild Rick Mirer passes.

The rankings:

FLOP CONFERENCE

‘93 ’94 Team Record Record Next Loss 1. Houston 12-4 1-8 Cincy 2. N.J. Giants 11-5 3-6 Arizona 3. L.A. Raiders 10-6 4-5 L.A. Lambs 4. Denver 9-7 3-6 Seattle 5. New Orleans 8-8 3-6 Atlanta 6. Cincinnati 3-13 1-8 Houston

SPACE NEEDLE, BAYS AND DUNES CONFERENCE

Wreck, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Seattle (3-6) 17-20, Cincinnati Denver 2. Tampa (2-7) 6-20, Chicago Detroit 3. Arizona (3-6) 7-17, Philadelphia N.J. Giants

Regional Crummy Games of the Week: East--Arizona at New Jersey; Midwest--Houston at Cincinnati; West--Seattle (3-6) at Denver (3-6) (check local listings in case you fear one of these games is in your area).

Expert analysis: After two Cowboy linemen were involved in separate late-hours crashes after a wild party, wide receiver Michael Irvin had an explanation. “There’s just too many cars on the road right now,” he said.

Get serious: ESPN’s Chris Mortensen said Dallas quarterback Troy Aikman wants revenge against San Francisco cornerback Deion Sanders because Sanders intercepted one of his passes in the 1989 Hula Bowl. Hula Bowl!