Doctor’s Orders: Grease the Skids to Make Cholesterol Slip

I have to be very careful how I write this.

I mean, I shouldn’t have to be careful, but I do.

I mean, if I were the captain of my own ship, the master of my own destiny, I wouldn’t have to worry about how I said it. I could just come right out and say that I was thrilled to read the story last week about the success of cholesterol-lowering drugs. I could just come right out and say that it’s great news, because my cholesterol count is----

That’s where things screech to a halt.

I told a colleague I wanted to do a cholesterol column but that my mother is in town this week. “No way can I let her read what my cholesterol count is,” I said.

“You’re 45 years old and you’re still afraid of your mother?” he said.

Why so incredulous? Isn’t everyone afraid of their mother?

Of course, I’m not really afraid of her. She’s gentle and kind and normally takes things in stride. I tell her lots of stuff. But if I told her that my cholesterol was hmrlf , who knows what she’d do?

As a result, I’ve had to dance around the issue with her. That’s too bad, because my personal battle with cholesterol the last few years could give hope to all the cheeseburger-and-fries lovers out there.

I had never been checked until about two or three years ago. At the time, my level was hmrlf and the doctor immediately assigned me to a follow-up class on arteriosclerosis, the heart-disease affliction that can result from high cholesterol. The nutritionist gave me a list of foods that would help lower the cholesterol, but since most were in the vegetable family I had never heard of many of them and didn’t know they could be purchased in any supermarket.

The doctor also put me on a strict no-meat diet for two months, which led to the publication of my first book, “1001 Ways to Disguise Tuna.”

The regimen worked, though. After two months, my cholesterol had dropped 20-some points to hmrlf and I thought the worst was over.

Unfortunately, I lapsed in the Eternal Vigilance department. I went a couple years without being retested until doing so this summer. Not only had I backslid, but the new figure had surpassed the original total from two years ago and now registered a staggering hmrlf .

Needless to say, I was aghast. It was bad enough being at hmrlf , but to find out that it had risen to hmrlf was jolting. The first words out of my doctor’s mouth was that he wanted to put me on cholesterol-lowering medicine. Determined not to become pharmaceutically dependent at such a tender age, I talked him out of it and said I would re-up on a diet and exercise program to see if I could lower the figure on my own.

He gave me three months to see what I could do.

Here’s the good news for you high-cholesterol types: You may be able to lower your cholesterol without becoming a vegetarian or a marathoner.

As I had before, I brought my number down significantly, this time to hmrlf . Well, let’s just say I lowered it 42 points, and my doctor was impressed. The bad cholesterol dropped, and the good held steady.

I did it mostly, I think, by eliminating milk and ice cream, having oatmeal for breakfast and eating meat less often. I didn’t give up on cheeseburgers but, instead, have one about as often as I do lobster. I hardly ever have a steak. French fries are now a delicacy item to be saved for special occasions with a fine wine, rather than serving as a dietary staple.

About the only other dietary change I made was to eat fewer desserts. On the exercise front, I went from zero to “a little bit” and realize that if I got serious about it I could make more of a dent in the number.

The most important thing is that I bought more time with the doctor. He agreed that I didn’t need to start the medicine, as long as my count keeps dropping. The next checkup will be in about two months. I’ve set a personal goal of hmrlf by then, which I’m sure I can reach if I can just eliminate having a doughnut for breakfast.

The cherry on top was the report last week that cholesterol-lowering drugs have a significant impact on lessening the dangers to heart-disease sufferers. At this point, I’m thinking of the drugs only as a last-ditch effort, but it’s encouraging to know they work so well.

So for now, I’m happy knowing my cholesterol is moving in the right direction.

As for when I’ll be brave enough to openly discuss my health with Mom . . . well, that will require more time with an entirely different kind of doctor.

Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesday, Friday and Sunday.