Helpful Hint: Act Like Wooden

Coach John Wooden, the Wizard of . . . Anaheim ? . . . lent his name to a college hoops doubleheader Saturday at home-away-from-home Pondy Pavilion. Good move, Wiz. Those Eastern schools never could win anything that involved you.

Everything went excellently in Wooden Classic I, beginning with No. 1-ranked Massachusetts being knocked off by UMass murderer Kansas, followed by UCLA’s last-second victory over a school that really knows how to lose in the last second, Kentucky. UCLA Coach Jim Harrick had his team prepared, except for trying to send in one of his players without any pants.

Aside from that, Harrick rejoiced over “the fans of Los Angeles,” “an unbelievable setting,” “a fantastic day” and “a terrific game” here at Pauley South, also saying, “Regardless of the price of tickets, everybody got their money’s worth!” Oh, cheer up, Jim.

As for Kentucky’s coach, Rick Pitino, he cost his team this one-point game by drawing a two-shot technical foul in the second half. Tyus Edney made both, which meant as much as hero J.R. Henderson’s two free throws did later. A point is a point is a point.

So, when Pitino said afterward, “We don’t like to lose--we hate to lose, as a matter of fact,” we trust the coach was aware that he had just lost the Wooden Classic by not acting more like Wooden.

Having opened the season against Tennessee Martin and Cal State Northridge--obviously, Slippery Rock and Cal Lutheran had previous commitments--the Kentucky and UCLA squads were ranked 3-4 in the weekly poll of NCAA coaches. By the time they took the floor, the Massachusetts team that was ranked above them had already been defeated, 81-75, by Jacque Vaughn and the other jocks from Kansas.

Between games, NBC ran an interview with Wooden in which he told a funny story about Bill Walton, who was not all that funny during college, as I recall. Seems Walton believed in doing something his way instead of the coach’s way and Wooden said he respected any player for standing up for his beliefs, and by the way, Bill, “We’ll miss you.”

Then came the UCLA-Kentucky game, during which Wooden took a bow and introduced his kids and grandkids, who, I’m pretty sure, counted for 307 of the crowd of 18,307. The coach looked great and we wish he would have accepted Harrick’s respectful offer to act as UCLA’s “honorary coach,” if only so that when Harrick asked Ed O’Bannon to report in for Charles O’Bannon, maybe Wooden would have observed that Ed wasn’t wearing any pants.

Ed had scraped his hand. Then he wiped them on his shorts, which left bloody handprints. Unbeknown to his coach, Ed was standing there in his undergarments when Harrick ordered him to go into the game for his brother. Ed said, uh, can’t, coach, so Charles had to stay out there with four fouls.

Whereupon poor Charles promptly drew his fifth foul, frustrating him so much that Charlie stalked off the court and directly up the nearest ramp, doing the fastest exit of a building since Elvis.

By game’s end, though, Charles was back, patting his teammates’ backs in the huddle. With or without him, the Bruins had hung in there. They took a 17-3 Kentucky run right on the chin, but kept on coming. Cameron Dollar and Tyus Edney kept taking the ball and dribble-driving, penetrating, looking out of control to the naked eye but actually making things happen, causing the defense to drop off UCLA’s bigger men.

Such as George Zidek, the center who looks a million times more confident this season. The same Zidek who began the second half with a skyhook, of all things. The same Zidek who strongly urged Ed O’Bannon in the huddle, after a UCLA timeout with 38.7 seconds remaining, to get him the basketball. Which Ed did, watching as Zidek thundered to the hoop.

That one made the score 81-80, Kentucky, with only 18 seconds to play, and who stood behind the UCLA huddle after the next timeout, whirling his arm to work up the Anaheim crowd on UCLA’s behalf? Zidek did. The Z Man makes his mark.

With the crowd behind them, the Bruins double-teamed a Kentucky ballhandler, Rodrick Rhodes, who looked for 6-foot-10 Mark Pope and bounced a 2-foot-10 pass to him. Off Pope’s kneecap it went, out of bounds to UCLA, and off went Marquis Burns of the Bruins, hopping all over the court, happy that he had been the one to force the bad pass.

Edney did his dribbling thing. He didn’t pass, didn’t even look to pass. He just Curly Nealed his way from place to place, bouncing the ball as the clock wound down. Scant seconds remained when Edney finally did what he had been doing to Pitino’s Wildcats all day--driving right through them.

Edney, last seen by this reporter whipping a floor with a towel in the Tulsa game, dished to Henderson, who got fouled with 0:00.6 to play. Now, there isn’t much a man can do in 0:00.6, which is like a second, only shorter. But Henderson was only too happy to step to the free-throw line, where he felt sure he would sink a pair.

“Yeah? Tell ‘em what you did in the preseason,” Harrick said.

“Uh, I missed, that’s all,” Henderson said.

“Oh for five,” Harrick said.

Not wishing to be given bus fare and sent back to Bakersfield, the freshman stepped up, aimed two free throws and drained them. And UCLA players hugged and danced and even carried the hero off on their shoulders and felt every bit as great as, oh, 1968.