Bad Connection

It is both sad and incredible that in this “modern” age we are so alienated from our humanity that the viewpoint expressed in P. Alexander Jesseson’s article is a rarity (“Connecting,” Oct. 30). We are never going to end the condition of war, whether against other nations or in our cities and homes, until we end the abuse, alienation and demoralization of our children. Billions are spent on defense, prisons and the war on drugs, but only the ability to feel and empathize will end the violence.

By the time I learned to walk I was being molested by my father, an icon of the American dream: the son of European immigrant parents, an Ivy League-educated attorney and judge. He was a charming, handsome, violent alcoholic who ran our family, when he was around, like a South American dictator. Perhaps it was a primary school teacher who saved me from the mental illness my sister eventually suffered. She took me into the hall and asked me if there was “something wrong at home.” It was the one time in three decades that anyone saw beyond my facade.

Unlike the gangbangers, I turned the violence against myself and suffered the ravages of what I call the “hero/martyr complex,” with its cycles of compulsive over-achieving and burnout. Now, after five years of dealing with the trauma of the memories, I open the newspaper to find, instead of support for what happened to me, stories about false memory syndrome.

M.B.

Santa Monica