School Days : Trojan Horrors

I cringe at slurs about my alma mater. USC is one of the top 10 private universities in federal research support. Its faculty members have won Guggenheim fellowships, National Science Foundation awards and recently, a Nobel Prize. There are nearly 100 National Merit scholars on campus and most undergrads come from the top 12% of their high school class.

Still, the slurs continue: University of Second Choice, University of Stupid Caucasians and that old perennial, the University of Spoiled Children. What makes it worse is that it’s no mystery where the SC bashers get their fodder.

When I recently moved to San Francisco, I contacted the USC alumni club. I also contacted the alumni group for the University of Chicago, where I got my master’s degree.

First I called the Chicago alumni club. “We have two book clubs. One focuses on the classics, and the other mainly on post-structuralist criticism. We also have a distinguished faculty lecture series, a theater group . . .” When the alumni rep asked what my doctoral field had been, I was ashamed to admit that I had left Chicago with only my master’s because I couldn’t bear the thought of six grueling years without California sunshine.

Then I made a call to the USC alumni rep. “We used to organize, you know, like lectures and stuff, but no one was really interested,” explained Alumni Dude. “So now we just do what everyone really wanted to do all along: party. Basically, we’re just a bunch of Trojans who like to get together and rage.” He added that they were having a party that night. It was at a local club called Bimbo’s.

Alumni Dude, sadly, is not alone in perpetuating the SC stereotypes, but I don’t let those living caricatures get me down. I wouldn’t trade my four years at USC for anything.

And besides, the only party I ever got to attend at the University of Chicago was a reception in the library.