Trickle-Down Economics for the Home

This is a story about drains and the money that goes down them. That giant sucking sound we’ve been hearing lately has nothing to do with Mexico. It’s $2 billion of taxpayers’ money going down the tubes in Orange County. But all politics is local. And at my house, I’ve been more concerned about the slow gurgle of the kitchen sink and the chronic backup of the sewer line.

This is what I get for buying an old house and turning a weed-covered slope into a jungle of bougainvillea, plumbago, jacaranda and apple red: The roots invade the sewer line and, when worse comes to worst, my toilet runneth over. More than once I’ve erected bath towel dams and desperately phoned Roto Rooter or George Brazil or Action One.

About a year ago, a plumber rooted my sewer but was stymied by the clog in the ancient kitchen drain. To replace those old pipes and repair the sewer line, he told me, he would have to bust through two sections of concrete walkway and do a lot of digging. His estimate was $3,200. I said thanks and goodby.

A friend recommended his neighborhood plumber. I called John, and one of his men promptly came out and cleared the kitchen line. A day later, John himself replaced my busted garbage disposal. The bill was about $300.

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This was a $300 Band-Aid, of course, and not a cure. When the gurgle interrupted my vacation last week, I resolved to fix the sink once and for all. John snaked the old pipe and dug up the spot where the sink drain joins the sewer line, just beyond the walkway. To John, busting through the concrete was a last resort; his idea was to tunnel under. He warned me that it wouldn’t be cheap, perhaps $500. I told John I might dig out the pipe myself--or hire somebody.

“Oh, that would save you money,” John said. “We charge $55 an hour.”

I got out the shovel and started digging. A couple of blisters later I decided this job required a pro. So on Sunday morning I drove down to the corner where the men gather each day, hoping for work.

I picked Almado. He said he understood plumbing and seemed eager for work. His hometown is Tijuana, but Almado said he’s been in the United States long enough to have qualified for amnesty, if only he’d done the paperwork.

Almado was skillful with pick and shovel. He expanded the trench and tunneled about a foot under the walkway.

The cast iron pipe was so old and brittle that it snapped in two. Almado pulled half of it out, then got under the house to free the other half. John would just have to poke the new pipe through and connect it to the sewer line.

I’d promised Almado $6 an hour, but paid him $40 for four hours work. We were both happy. A plumber might have charged $220. Almado suggested I hire him and a friend, an unlicensed plumber, to finish the job. But I was already committed to John, and I suppose there’s a reason we license plumbers. John finished the job Wednesday, billing me $254.55.

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Add it all up and it seems that my $3,200 plumbing nightmare has been cured for about $600. All that’s left is to shovel the dirt back into the trench.

Orange County, meanwhile, has a $2-billion hole to fill. The county treasurer, his advisers and supervisors have rightly been blamed, but this fiasco is a symptom of deeper corruption: a value system that produced Michael Milken and Charles Keating and plumbers who propose work you don’t need; a society that sells lottery tickets as a way to finance schools, builds poker palaces to put cops on the street and promotes litigation as a dandy way to make money. It’s not surprising that a culture that prizes fame and fortune, that rewards risk more than hard labor, would blame its troubles on people like Almado. Remember the American work ethic? Now the idea is to work the angles, the margins. The ultimate goal is to get something for nothing.

It’s a shame these tax-and-speculate problems didn’t surface before the election, and not just for Orange County. The nature of this $2-billion loss would have helped put Proposition 187 in perspective. Consider this: According to the General Accounting Office and the Urban Institute, the net cost of public services to illegal immigrants in California next year will be about $600 million less than Orange County’s losses. The hubris of a few public officials will cost taxpayers more than all the Almados in California.

And think about this: Orange County’s $2 billion is gone, an utter waste. The money spent on illegal immigrants would educate children, protect public health and serve justice by putting criminals behind bars. That money wouldn’t go down the drain; it would help maintain society’s plumbing. It would pay for teachers, nurses, prison guards. If these folks buy this newspaper, some of my taxes come back to me.

And if I need some more serious work around the house, some of it may trickle to Almado.