Bernson’s P.O. Decodes the ABCs of Government Acronym B.S.

LANGUAGE SKILLS: One of the most difficult parts of dealing with City Hall is trying to understand the jargon and acronyms that bureaucrats interject into what would otherwise be considered English.

City Hall insiders chat about CDBG money and whether CD 7 is getting its fair share. Or they say they will ask the MTA for funding to pay for new DASH buses. It’s enough to drive any newcomer MAD.

Maybe you can’t fight City Hall because you can’t understand City Hall.

It was for that reason that Councilman Hal Bernson’s press deputy Francine Oschin put together a dictionary of City Hall jargon and acronyms, which she offers to new council members so they too can speak the secret language of bureaucratese.

Recently, Oschin sought to update her dictionary by sending out a copy of the 20-page document to all department heads, asking them to add any new words or acronyms that they have recently coined.

But she didn’t expect the new acronym submitted by an anonymous bureaucrat who didn’t think much of her request: ASCCP. It stands for Another Stupid City Council Project.

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LANGUAGE SKILLS, WASHINGTON STYLE: It is not just the names of many members of Congress that will be changing when the House of Representatives reconvenes on Jan. 4. Scores of committees and subcommittees have been given snappy new titles as well.

For instance, Rep. Howard P. (Buck) McKeon (R-Santa Clarita) will no longer sit on the Education and Labor Committee. It’s been renamed the Economic and Educational Opportunities Committee, for clarification’s sake. And McKeon’s subcommittee on elementary, secondary and vocational education has been transformed into the subcommittee on post-secondary education, training and lifelong learning. Got that?

The Government Operations Committee that Rep. Henry Waxman (D-Los Angeles) sits on has become the Government Reform and Oversight Committee. And Rep. Carlos J. Moorhead (R-Glendale) may have to reprint his stationery, too. His Energy and Commerce Committee will become the Commerce Committee next month.

Just like that, Congress has undergone major reform.

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LANGUAGE SKILLS, COUNTY STYLE: Zev Yaroslavsky told his colleagues at the Board of Supervisors meeting this week that as a newcomer, he found the county’s budget format indecipherable. “I’ve been trying to figure this thing out for six months, and I tell you, I don’t understand it. The format we had over at the City Council was easy to read.”

Joel Bellman, Yaroslavsky’s transition deputy and the press deputy to former Supervisor Ed Edelman, said later: “Every year everybody stoutly resolves to make the budget plan simpler to read, to make it just burst with startling clarity. Somehow, we’ve never achieved that level.”

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A JOYFUL EVENT: During her 16 years on the Los Angeles City Council, Joy Picus made a name for herself in City Hall as a champion of women’s causes. Now, more than a year after voters ousted her from her post, she is getting her name on City Hall.

Recognizing her fight to get a city child-care coordinator appointed to help working women, the City Council voted unanimously this week to rename the City Hall child-care center after Picus.

“I’m pretty ecstatic,” she said about the honor. “I can’t think of anything I would rather be remembered for.”

As a council member representing the west San Fernando Valley, Picus took a leading role in seeing that the city adopted a pay-equity plan so that female city government employees earned the same as men working in jobs requiring similar skills.

She also supported a plan to grant special building privileges to developers who provide child-care facilities.

Picus lost her reelection bid last year to her former deputy Laura Chick.

The child-care center for city and federal employees serves 96 children as young as 6 weeks. It has a staff of 25 and serves catered lunches provided by a nearby Italian restaurant.

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THE VIDEO AGE: With the 6 o’clock news focused more on crime and disasters than on public affairs, viewers get a lot less exposure to reports of political back-room deals and boondoggles.

State Sen. Tom Hayden (D-Santa Monica) is stepping forward to fill that void.

Last week saw the debut release of a Hayden video meant to expose government inefficiency and lobbyists’ agendas. It was touted as the first in a series of “spotlight on corruption” videos the senator plans to distribute to local TV stations, cable public access channels and other media.

In a four-minute tape, Hayden walks viewers through what he calls the “fiscal fiasco of the MTA,” blasting the Metropolitan Transit Authority for its multimillion-dollar expenditures.

He points out that (A) few people actually use the costly new subway system running beneath L.A.; (B) the MTA spent hundreds of millions on a plush new 26-story office tower, and (C) clean-fuel buses are more economical than trains.

The video, produced and filmed by Hayden’s staff members, aired on Century Cable’s “Weekend Review.”

The bookish and professorial Hayden views videos as a key tool for reaching people too busy to read extensively.

Says Hayden: “It’s hard to find out what happens behind closed doors, and few folks read the scholarly studies written on the details of government procurement and decision making.

“So we’ve turned to video technology to help the citizens understand how they’re being taken to the cleaners,” he said.

New releases will come out every month, but don’t look for them to crack the Top 10.

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THE BIRDS: Oh, the problems of an outdoor press conference.

State Assemblywoman Paula Boland (R-Granada Hills) and Hayden held a news conference outside Northridge Middle School earlier this week but their voices kept getting drowned out.

Reporters kept moving closer to the podium to hear the lawmakers and community leaders discuss their plans to dismantle the Los Angeles school district. Speakers were asked to raise their voices.

Finally, the black birds took over.

Dozens of the large, loud birds lined up along a telephone wire in front of the school. Their crowing became louder than the legislators’.

Said Hayden: “They must be having a press conference of their own.”