A Little of Everything for Fans This Year--Good, Bad and Goofy

As far as I am concerned, at least 10 good things happened in sports in the year 1994, at least 10 bad things happened and a whole lot of goofy things happened.

Among them:

THE GOOD 1. Dan Jansen lost his favorite race in the Olympics again, then skated the 1,000 meters, won and carried his child on a victory lap.

2. Tabasco Cat ran down its trainer, nearly killed him, then won the Preakness and Belmont.

3. George Foreman got punched in his 45-year-old kisser for nine rounds, then decked Michael Moorer.

4. Team USA won a game in the World Cup, defeating Colombia to the delight of even those who hate soccer.

5. Martina Navratilova nearly pulled a Foreman, making the final at Wimbledon on her farewell tour.

6. Representing a town ravaged by earthquake, the Little League baseball team from Northridge reached the World Series championship game.

7. Days after a Sports Illustrated Winter Olympic preview that said Switzerland’s cows could out-ski ours, Tommy Moe of the United States won the men’s downhill.

8. Oksana Baiul, 16, overcoming personal loss in Ukraine and an accident just before thefinals, won the Olympic women’s figure skating gold medal.

9. Bonnie Blair won in speedskating--again.

10. And Oregon got to the Rose Bowl, turning its conference temporarily into the Quack-10.

THE BAD

1. Baseball struck out.

2. Tonya & accomplices knee-capped Nancy.

3. Hockey locked out.

4. After costing his team the U.S. game, a Colombian soccer player was murdered when he got home. (Upon reflection, this should be No. 1.)

5. The owner of the Kings bilked banks out of hundreds of millions.

6. Tennis teen Jennifer Capriati was found in a motel room full of drugs.

7. Days after his father signed to pitch for the Angels, Mark Leiter’s three-year-old son died of spinal muscular atrophy.

8. Darryl Strawberry was a no-show for the exhibition finale, relapsed into rehab, got his release as a Dodger and was indicted as a tax dodger.

9. The Rams went 4-12, drew as few as 25,705 and bought maps of Missouri.

10. ESPN’s nightly sportscast began for weeks with a murder trial.

THE GOOFY

In no particular order:

Bill Murray was asked to stay away from the pro golf tour, which is trying to be serious. . . . Oprah Winfrey opened the World Cup by introducing Diana Ross, who’s job was to kick a soccer ball into a net. Oprah fell down and Diana missed the net. . . . The President of the United States wept while hugging the coach as the University of Arkansas won in college basketball. . . .

Tonya Harding became a movie star: Three films about her and two films starring her, one of them from her honeymoon. . . . Brazil’s World Cup champions brought home hundreds of thousands of dollars in merchandise from America but refused to pay duty at customs. . . . Reggie Miller scored 25 points in one quarter, turned to Knick fan Spike Lee and made the “choke” sign. . . .

George Foreman won the heavyweight title, then said: “If happy little bluebirds fly, then why oh, why oh, why can’t I?”. . . . A potential O.J. juror begged off because she drew No. 32, Simpson’s jersey number, and didn’t want the publicity. . . . Scottie Pippen sat out the final seconds of a Chicago playoff game, because he felt like it. . . . A shoe commercial featured Dennis Rodman roughing up Santa Claus. . . .

Marge Schott, after her team signed Neon Deion Sanders, said, “Only fruits wear earrings.”. . . . Shaquille O’Neal, asked if he had visited the Parthenon while in Greece, said, “I can’t remember which clubs we went to.”. . . Tom Watson led a movement to get Gary McCord removed from CBS-TV’s telecast of the Masters, partly because McCord said the greens were so slick, someone “must have used bikini wax.”

AND FINALLY

Rest in peace, Jimmie Reese. . . . and you, Heather Farr. . . . get well, Ernie Irvan. . . . you, too, Paul Azinger. . . . and you, Bob Chandler. . . . and likewise, George Raveling. . . . stay strong, Earvin Johnson. . . . keep swinging, Michael Jordan. . . . thanks for the memories, James Worthy. . . . you, too, Dave Taylor. . . . and remember, the opera ain’t over until the fat dudes at Dodger Stadium sing.