Community Essay : Adults Mislead Children, ‘Then Expect Exemplary Behavior’ : Responsibility: If parents don’t apply a restraining hand, how do kids become civilized beings?

One recent afternoon I was taking a walk through a local park and saw two little girls, both about 7, picking flowers.

I wondered if I ought to approach them and say something. After all, I thought, they may not understand that the flowers weren’t theirs to pick. I moved in their direction, but to avoid frightening them I stood at a comfortable distance and spoke gently.

“Girls, this is public property,” I said, “and it really isn’t right for anyone to take any part of it.”

Standing on the other side of a hedge were two men, presumably their fathers. Their hands were full of flowers, which I realized were “gifts” from the girls.

Ten minutes later, on my way back, the girls were still in the flower bed, by that time destroyed. I couldn’t help but speak up again, saying to them, “What you are doing is against the law. Do you know that?”

Suddenly one of the men shouted at me: “It’s no major crime, you know.”

I answered that children need their parents to teach them right from wrong.

No matter. Those fathers neither heard nor cared.

The flower-bed incident may have been small, but the attitudes and the failure of the adults to act responsibly disturbed me.

Even more disturbing is recognizing that there are a great many adults who are worse--who neglect or mistreat their children, who drive them while drunk, who even show them violence, as often as every day.

And then adults expect exemplary behavior from children and express shock when they see or hear otherwise.

We all decry crime and violence, but we pay more attention when a crime or lesser error is by the hand of a child. Rep. Newt Gingrich remarked not long ago that it is wrong for 12-year-olds to have babies, for 14-year-olds to bring guns to school. Yes, that is true. But perhaps Gingrich and those who single out children’s misdeeds as the measure for our ills might be reminded again that it is adults who show children the way.

“Major crime” or not, it was wrong for those fathers in the park to teach their daughters that it’s OK to steal. It is wrong for adults to teach children that it is acceptable to do wrong.