Solemn Occasion Turns Doubly Tragic : Grief: Waves sweep woman to her death as she spreads mother’s ashes.

When residents walk out along the rocky headlands of the rugged Mendocino coast, they know the cardinal rule: Never turn your back on the ocean because of the giant waves that suddenly and unpredictably come crashing in.

It was one of those huge breakers that took the life of the daughter of a San Diego Chargers coach Thursday when she and her brother ventured near the edge of the rocky shoreline to scatter the ashes of their mother, who had committed suicide three weeks ago.

Debbie Menta, 32, and her brother, Doug Painter, 23, were washed into the ocean by a 20-foot wave as it crashed along Mendocino Headlands State Park.

Painter tried unsuccessfully to rescue his sister, then managed to climb out of the roiling water and seek help. Rescuers said his clothes had been ripped off his body by the pounding surf and that his hands and feet were shredded by the sharp rocks at the water’s edge.

The pair had come to Mendocino, about 120 miles north of San Francisco, to scatter the ashes of their mother, Diane Painter, because it was a favorite spot of hers. She had often visited the nearby picturesque town of Mendocino with her daughter.

Diane Painter was divorced from Dwain Painter, who is now the Chargers’ quarterback coach, three years ago. Hours after the Chargers won the American Football Conference championship Jan. 15 and qualified for the Super Bowl, she committed suicide at her home in Pennsylvania. Friends and family said she was upset that she would not be going to the football extravaganza with her ex-husband.

On Friday morning, the Coast Guard found Menta’s body, also stripped of clothing, floating in the ocean north of town. By afternoon, her father had arrived to identify the body as that of his daughter, according to the Mendocino County Sheriff’s Department.

“When we heard, everybody was in a state of shock,” said Charger spokesman Bill Johnston. “It’s tragic. You can’t imagine what he’s going through right now.”

Dwain Painter has been a football coach for 30 years, working his way up from his first job at a high school to the pros. Along the way, he worked as a coach at eight colleges, including a stint at UCLA from 1976 to 1978.

The life of an assistant football coach is often thankless, with long hours and frequent moves from city to city that can make life difficult for family members.

“It’s hard to understand how so much tragedy can fall in the lap of one man,” said Jack Henry, the offensive line coach at the University of Pittsburgh, who spent two seasons with Painter when they were with the Pittsburgh Steelers in the late 1980s.

“In our business we spend so much damn time with other people’s kids . . . when something like this happens, you wonder, ‘Why do we do that?’ ”

Known for his enthusiasm and work habits, Painter last year joined the Chargers, his third NFL team.

The suicide of his former wife had cast a shadow over the Super Bowl for Painter, and he told reporters before the game that it was difficult for him to enjoy the event.

His daughter, the mother of an 18-month-old boy, lived in San Francisco with her husband, Mark. Her brother is a student teacher who lives in Pittsburgh, Pa.

The place they chose to scatter their mother’s ashes is a popular scenic spot. Thousands of years of wave action have created high bluffs, with fingers of land jutting out into the sea and huge rocks dotting the coastline.

Mendocino County Sheriff’s Sgt. Gene Degeyter said it is not uncommon for visitors to underestimate the power of the waves along the coast.

“Along the Mendocino coast we lose four to five people each year, diving, fishing from shore or, like they were doing, standing along the edge of the ocean,” Degeyter said.

Authorities said it was unclear how close the sister and brother had walked toward the ocean when the deadly wave, the kind of breaker the residents call a “sneaker,” crashed down on them.

Menta was apparently pulled directly into the ocean while Doug Painter was dashed onto nearby rocks. But when he reached out his hand to help his sister, he too was swept into the water.

As the waves alternately pulled them out to sea and dashed them into the rocks, the two struggled for as long as 20 minutes to climb out. Finally, after Painter lost sight of his sister, he pulled himself ashore, authorities said.

Reaching a nearby road a little after 5 p.m., Painter stumbled across Joy Verner, a local artist, who found a blanket to wrap him in and summoned help. She said he was “bloody from top to bottom” when she found him.

Painter was taken to Mendocino Coast District Hospital in Ft. Bragg, where he was in the intensive care unit but reported to be in stable condition.

Paddock reported from San Francisco and Plaschke from San Diego. Associated Press also contributed to this report.