‘90s FAMILY : How Birth Order Stamps Personality

Firstborns often dress impeccably and keep every hair in place, said psychologist and author Kevin Leman, who claims he can spot one in any crowd.

Beyond physical appearance, firstborns may be perfectionist, reliable, serious, critical and well-organized, according to Leman’s “The Birth Order Book,” which explores the influence of a person’s order among siblings.

Middle children, for example, may be mediators, have the fewest pictures in the family album, avoid conflicts and have many friends outside the family.

Lastborns, like Leman, tend to be charming, manipulative, good with people, blame others and may be showoffs.

Each child sees the family and himself or herself from a different vantage point, Leman said, and this can pretty much set the tone for that individual throughout life. Birth order is reflected in careers and may affect marriages--usually same birth-order marriages create conflict, he said.

“Firstborns usually experience the brunt of whatever is happening in the family,” Leman said. “They are like little adults by the time they are 7 or 8.”

Middle children often get a bad rap, Leman said, but they often do well in life because they are born negotiators, a good life skill.

Lastborns, in jockeying for attention and often feeling they are not taken seriously, become outgoing and the clowns of the family, Leman said.

But other experts say that while some birth-order generalizations fit, they don’t always. Relying too heavily on birth order for answers is a mistake, especially in modern times when the family dynamic is quite complex, said Toni Falbo, professor of educational psychology at the University of Texas.

“Families are much more complicated now. You have step-siblings and half-siblings, and you have to consider how many siblings are above and below in age, how much space there is between siblings. There are so many other factors to consider beyond birth order,” she said. “Things like family size and poverty are much more powerful influences than birth order.”

But history may prove birth order more significant, said Frank Sulloway, a visiting scholar at Massachusetts Institute of Technology.

Sulloway, a historian, has been conducting a study for the last 20 years on what makes people more open to revolutionary ideas and scientific theories. His conclusion is that birth order has been the single most significant determinant of those who are open to new ideas.

“Birth order has more tendency to espouse radical ideas. I looked at 50 to 100 different influences on behavior. Of all of these, birth order is the most significant,” he said.

By researching 6,000 people involved in 30 scientific and social revolutions during the last 500 years, Sulloway has concluded that firstborns are less open-minded and later-borns are more open to risk-taking and new ideas.

“What’s been discovered is the shared family environment isn’t shared, it’s made up of niches. How are these niches developed? Through birth order,” Sulloway said. “Birth order makes growing up different for everyone in the family.”