Guest Relations : Nuptials Aren’t an Invitation to Upstage or Detract From the Wedding Party

Wedding consultant Judy Feenstra of Costa Mesa is often amazed by what people wear to weddings, but the case of the lady in red really took the cake.

As the formal church ceremony got underway, it wasn’t just the sight of the beautiful bride walking down the aisle that caused heads to turn. Attracting more than her share of attention was the father of the bride’s new young wife, dressed head to toe in red.

“She had a bright red suit, red nylons, a red hat and red shoes,” Feenstra recalls. “And here was the mother of the bride in a lovely pastel dress completely overshadowed by this gorgeous woman in red.”

At almost every wedding, a few guests stand out for the wrong reasons, Feenstra says. They show up for formal weddings wearing outfits that are inappropriate.

Even in casual Southern California, where almost anything goes as far as fashion, weddings still require a certain standard of dress.

“Guests should always consider a wedding a formal occasion, but a lot of them come in jeans,” says Susan MacDonald, a Newport Beach wedding consultant. “I’ve seen women in Newport Beach wear dressy jeans with rhinestones to weddings. That’s not appropriate unless it’s a Western wedding.”

Some guests, such as the lady in red, wear clothes that are too flashy or, worse, revealing.

“No one should upstage the bride, but it happens all the time,” Feenstra says. One young woman stole the spotlight from the bride by wearing a see-through blouse with nothing underneath.

“This is not the time to show off,” Feenstra says.

Women wearing long gowns to a black-tie wedding need to exercise some restraint.

“I wouldn’t wear something that looks like a wedding gown, or a dress that plunges to the navel,” says Linda Patterson, co-owner of Thee Wedding Library, a bridal referral service in Orange.

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Most consultants also advise guests against wearing white, although it’s being seen more at weddings.

“Don’t wear white, ivory or any shade paler than the bride as the main color of your outfit,” says Debbie Montgomery, owner of Classic Elegance, a wedding consulting service in Laguna Hills.

“It’s tacky. The bride should be the one in white. But for some reason mothers-in-laws forget that. It’s like, ‘Hello, you are not the bride.’ ”

Years ago, wearing black to a wedding was also taboo; now it’s a popular hue.

“In the old days, black was for funerals, for mourning,” Feenstra says. “Now a large majority wear black to evening weddings.” Those unsure of what to wear to a wedding should study the invitation for clues.

The time of the ceremony is the first consideration. If the wedding is held after 6 p.m., attire is dressy. Men should wear dark suits or tuxedos if the invitation states “black tie,” and women should wear evening dresses or cocktail suits. Dressy pantsuits or palazzos have also become acceptable.

“I did a wedding recently at the Four Seasons, and the mother of the groom wore beautiful palazzo pants in champagne gold that looked like a long skirt,” Feenstra says. “I’ve always frowned on women wearing pants at weddings, but I see it more and more. If it’s a beautiful pants outfit, it’s OK.”

Daytime weddings are a little more relaxed, but don’t show up in shorts and flip-flops as some guests have done. Men can usually get away with a sport coat and slacks instead of a suit, and women can wear soft print dresses.

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Location also plays a big role in the mode of dress. An elegant setting such as the Ritz-Carlton in Dana Point calls for fancier attire. Feenstra remembers one wedding at the Ritz-Carlton where guests from Bakersfield had no idea what the setting was like.

“They had no clue what to wear,” she says. “The women wore cotton housedresses. Yet everyone in the bridal party looked beautiful.”

At outdoor weddings in a garden or a park or on the beach, guests can sport more relaxed attire. Women can don cool sun dresses that show more shoulder; men can wear a sport coat and a nice shirt--with or without a tie. Casual does not, however, mean shorts or Hawaiian shirts--unless the wedding has a luau theme.

“Even if a wedding is being held on a boat, it’s still a dressy occasion. It’s not deck shoes,” MacDonald says.

At a recent wedding held in a 100-year-old garden, Feenstra spotted one woman wearing a sleeveless beige and white polka dot dress with a broad-brimmed white hat. It was the perfect illustration of what women should wear to an outdoor wedding. The men wore lightweight jackets.

The time of year also influences guest attire. If the weather is warm, men can wear cool jackets that they can remove during the course of the day. If it’s cold, women can take a wrap and wear a wool suit or long-sleeved dress.

Finally, guests need to consider the status of the bridal couple’s friends and family. Are they casual types or into the glitzy social scene?

“I went to one wedding at the Ritz-Carlton where every couple was beautifully dressed. They all looked like they belonged on the set of ‘Dynasty,’ ” Feenstra says. The guests dressed up because they knew the lifestyle of the family.

When in doubt, guests should contact the bride or mother of the bride about what to wear. Wedding consultants and personal shoppers at fine stores such as Nordstrom, Neiman Marcus, Bullock’s and Saks can also help.

“You have to keep in mind you’re at a wedding, and you want to honor that,” Feenstra says. “You’re not honoring the family and the event by dressing inappropriately.”