Crossing His Fingers Might Help

Fred Couples, Tom Kite, Paul Azinger--each of whom will play in this week’s Nissan L.A. Open--plus Nick Faldo and Payne Stewart, are among no fewer than 20 PGA Tour golfers who have begun gripping their putters a new way.

Cross-handed.

Mike Hulbert is a tour pro who is trying an even newer grip.

One- handed.

Hmmm. I will be studying several of these gentlemen very carefully on the greens of Riviera, because, crazy me, I hold my golf clubs with two hands. (My instructor was funny that way.)

And, I generally don’t do anything cross-handed, although I did try typing the rest of this sentence cross-handed and it came out xz%$v&;;;blz.

I can’t wait to see what’s next. Maybe Lee Trevino putting with a Dr Pepper bottle. Bernhard Langer has been experimenting with the weirdest grip I have seen this side of professional wrestling. He holds his putter low with his left hand, then traps the shaft against his left forearm with his right hand.

Yes, I said hand.

Put that in your Harvey Penick Little Red Golf Book and stroke it.

Experienced golf teachers apparently are telling the professionals that they are pulling too many putts, constantly missing the cup to the left. They say the cross-handed grip keeps the left hand low and the club steady.

Personally, I think too many golfers must be getting lessons from David Letterman instead of David Ledbetter.

But, as they say on the tour, you drive for show and putt for dough. So, you might as well squeeze the old 10-iron whichever way makes you feel comfy.

I simply wonder what these poor guys will try next.

Maybe it will be some variation on the old Sam Snead technique, where you face the hole, hold the putter to the right of your right foot, then tap the ball as though you are playing croquet.

Me, I always thought that made Sam look like one of those old guys at the beach, using a Geiger counter to find coins in the sand. But if it worked, good for him.

This cross-handed thing has me all crossed up, though. I can’t even pull the flagstick out cross-handed.

Seems to me the only golfers who should hold their hands that way are Russ Cochran and Phil Mickelson. That’s because they are left-handed and don’t know any better.

But if top players such as Couples and Kite play cross-handed golf, hey, the least I can do is try. I’ll try hitting off the tee cross-handed if it will help me break 200.

I used to putt like Arnold Palmer because he was, well, Arnold Palmer. I would imitate his stance, knocking my knees together as I stood over the ball, then spreading out my feet like a penguin. My legs looked like I was running in a sack race at the company picnic.

I also tried the Chi Chi Rodriguez technique, pulling an imaginary sword from my waistband whenever I sank a putt longer than, oh, 10 feet. I believe I pulled my sword around, oh, once every six months.

I even tried a putter like one I saw Jack Nicklaus use at Augusta National, the blade of which was the approximate size of a 1995 Nissan Sentra.

Nothing helped. I’ve tried long blades and short blades. I’ve tried everything but Gillette disposables.

Frankly, I pray that someone invents a Big Bertha putter, like the driver, with one of those nuclear warheads on the end. I won’t putt straighter, but at least I’ll putt longer.

Rocco Mediate was the first PGA player I saw use one of those “long-handle” putters that come up to your chin. First time I saw Rocco use it, I thought he’d borrowed a rake from a trap. He looked like Charlton Heston parting the Red Sea with his staff.

Rodger Davis used Langer’s crazy grip when nothing else worked, then won the 1994 Air France Open on the European tour.

“If that grip didn’t work, I was going to the broomstick (long putter),” Davis said. “And if that didn’t work, I was going to take six months off.”

Golfers should do whatever feels best. Take these guys playing Riviera this week. Jim Furyk has a swing described in the PGA Tour guide as “one only a mother could love.” Pat Bates marks his golf ball with a Bible verse. Blaine McCallister swings right-handed and putts left-handed.

I’ve even seen Couples putt with the back of his club. Fred could outplay me without using any clubs. Just his bag.