BASEBALL : Piazza Takes His Cuts at Replacements

The Dodger replacement team is taking this all quite seriously. They boast about being the best team in the Grapefruit League, flaunt their talents, and truly believe this is a team that should make the real Dodgers proud.

“Hey, if we build up a five-, 10-game lead in the standings by the time this strike is over, those guys will love us,” Dodger replacement pitcher Rafael Montalvo said. ‘We can help get them into the playoffs. Who knows, they may even thank us when it’s all over.”

But Dodger catcher Mike Piazza said that he and his teammates couldn’t care less how their replacement team fares. In fact, the players are telling the owners they will refuse to accept a settlement that counts replacement games in the standings when the strike ends.

“When we get back, no one’s going to care what our record is,” Piazza said. “Who’s going to care if we have a five-game lead in scab games? That’s ridiculous. Does someone really think we’ll be rooting for these guys?

“What do they think we’ll do if we win it, give them a playoff share? Do they want rings? We’ll give them rings all right, made of tin.

“Believe me, our season begins when the major league season begins. These games don’t mean a thing. It’s like watching Class-A ball.”

Yet, barring a miraculous settlement, baseball is prepared to start the season with replacements.

“I don’t even look at the box scores,” said Piazza, who has been working out two hours a day with a personal trainer. “The only time I even bothered to see their box score was after their first game, just to see who the strikebreakers are.

“I still don’t understand why these guys are crossing. Why are they trying to play for a system that we’re on strike against?

“Do they really think they can cross the line, and after a settlement, think they can stay around? Come on, how insulting is that?

“That’s a sick contradiction.”