Borders’ Blues : After Making History, SCC Pitcher Struggles to Regain Winning Form

Ila Borders marked her 20th birthday in a San Francisco hotel room last month, but she wasn’t celebrating.

She was crying.

It was the day after one of the worst pitching performances of her college baseball career--San Francisco State had roughed her up for seven runs and 13 hits--and she felt lousy.

Several thoughts were running through her head, she said: “I just lost another game. I did horrible. I’m all alone in this hotel room. I don’t know what to do.

“What am I doing here?”

Many asked similar questions about Borders when she made history by accepting a partial scholarship to Southern California College.

Borders brushed back those critics last season by winning her first two starts and completing a solid freshman season, going 2-4 with a 2.92 earned-run average. But now she is struggling. The critics have returned and their ammunition is powerful:

* Borders hasn’t won since Feb. 25, 1994, a streak of 14 appearances and 12 starts.

* She is 0-5 this season with an 8.80 earned-run average.

* Opponents are hitting .406 against her.

Even so, Borders isn’t giving up. Or backing down.

“I just sit there and say, ‘OK, so when I do come back it’s going to be even sweeter. Because then I’m going to come back with a vengeance and then I’ll come after you.’

“That’s what I’m feeling inside right now, ‘Just wait.’ ”

*

That kind of determination has put Borders where she is now, but lately it has been all talk. She hasn’t been able to back it up on the mound this season, and that is frustrating.

There are many possible explanations for the slump. Borders is facing stronger teams. Last season, SCC Coach Charlie Phillips started her slowly, letting her face mostly lesser competition.

Borders also believes that she wasn’t prepared for this season because she didn’t pitch in a summer league. Between her last 1994 appearance and her first of 1995, she only pitched about 20 innings. “Now I’m in the season and I’m trying to learn what I should already have down,” she said.

Phillips said Borders has had some mechanical problems that have made her pitches easier to hit. He said she needs to pitch inside more because hitters have adjusted to her style.

“She goes away from the game plan we like to have and when she does that, she doesn’t throw hard enough where she can get by for a couple of innings,” Phillips said.

Her father, Phil, believes the problem is mostly mental. “I started working with her when she was 10 so I know her delivery better than anybody,” he said. “To me she looks a little bit timid. She’s not relaxed. I told her, ‘It’s like you’re pitching scared almost.’ ”

That was certainly the case in Borders’ most recent start last Wednesday against Western Oregon State College. She started worrying while warming up in the bullpen.

“It’s not pinpoint control like I used to have and it gets me nervous,” she said. “I was thinking, “Oh, no. This is going to be a long game.’ ”

Actually, it turned out to be Borders’ shortest appearance of the season. She was pulled with two outs in the third inning after giving up five runs, four earned. Borders had one home run hit against her all last season; Western Oregon State hit two in three innings.

“I have no confidence at all,” she said afterward.

*

Borders’ self-image is so intertwined with baseball that it is natural the slump is affecting her daily life. She maintains she can cope: “I think if I wasn’t a Christian, it would probably affect me really bad. But I always know I’ve got somebody else by my side.”

She also has her parents, whom she talks to daily by phone, and her best friend and roommate, Jenn Caruso, to help lift her spirits.

And if conversation doesn’t help, Borders reads the Bible or takes long drives in her car.

At least this year she is able to find time for herself. During the peak of Ila-mania, she felt trapped. There seemed to be photographers lurking around every corner.

“It got to the point where I think I needed to get some help, because I was paranoid,” Borders said. So this school year she asked her father to screen all requests from the media.

That has helped, but she’s still jumpy, even on SCC’s intimate Costa Mesa campus.

“I’ll walk around this campus sometimes and I’ll keep my head down because I’m praying to God there’s nobody watching me,” she said.

*

On the field, there’s no small-college baseball player who is more closely watched. Last season Borders was featured in Sports Illustrated and the New York Times and she appeared on “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.”

Now she’s learning about the flip side of fame. Relatives who live in St. Louis read in their local newspaper about her losses. Typically, at this level, slumping pitchers only have themselves, teammates and coaches to answer to.

The morning after Borders’ loss to Western Oregon State, someone posted an newspaper sports page in the lounge of her dormitory. Circled was an article with the headline:

“Vanguards’ Ila Borders shelled, again”

Such incidents feed into Borders’ two main philosophies--believe in yourself, because no one else will, and:

“I get in trouble for saying this but I truly believe it: you cannot trust anyone. Nobody in my personal experience has ever come through. I’ve just never throughout my whole life been able to trust somebody, except my mom and my dad and my best friend Jenn.”

Borders worries about how such an outlook might appear to her teammates and makes it clear that it’s nothing personal. She’s just been burned too often. “If they knew the whole story of how many times people have said things to me that didn’t come true, they would understand,” Borders said.

For their part, her teammates have accepted, if not embraced, Borders.

“No one is open arms with her,” senior center fielder Ryan Seidel said. “It’s, ‘How ya doing,’ it doesn’t go a lot further. But I think a lot of people might feel like she doesn’t really care if that happens or not. She just kind of sits back, and we think that she’s fine with it.”

Borders says her shyness is sometimes misinterpreted. “I’ve learned that on the field you can’t be shy,” she said. “You always have to have open communication. Once I learned that, things started getting better.”

Last season, some didn’t think she belonged on the team and let her know it. Now, according to junior pitcher Rick Homutoff, her closest friend on the team, that feeling is gone but players still sometimes second-guess pitching decisions Phillips makes. Homutoff gave an example of one such criticism from other teammates: “ ‘What? He’s starting her against them?’ ”

Borders takes the slights silently.

“Oh, they make it known to me,” she said. “I can’t really tell you because I need to keep my mouth shut. But I will tell you one thing: Yes, it does go on and yes it gets me mad inside, but you can’t do nothing about it.

“My dad will tell me, ‘You know what Ila? You need to be more mature than that. If you can still go out there and pitch with all this going on, people will see that and it will help you in the long run because if you do get higher there are going to be a lot of people who are going to hate your guts and you’re going to have to learn how to deal with it.’ ”

*

Of course, it was easier to deal with when she was winning, which Borders hasn’t done since her second start of last season, a 10-1 victory over Concordia.

Phillips hasn’t given up on her and plans to give her another shot Friday against Claremont-Mudd, the team she beat in her first collegiate appearance.

“I still believe in her and we’re going to just keep going,” Phillips said. “She’s been inconsistent. She got hit hard early in the season, but she’s getting better and better and better.”

Her best chance for a victory came early this month in a Golden State Athletic Conference game against Westmont. She left the game leading, 3-1, in the fifth with the bases loaded, but all three runners scored. The Vanguards eventually won, 12-4.

“She’ll be fine,” Phillips said. “People have just got to be patient. She’s down but don’t strangle her yet. It’s not over.”