We demand a special prosecutor investigate these...

We demand a special prosecutor investigate these charges: Louis Mraz of Mt. Washington faxed us a stamp that shows the White House as well as a set of dates that could be interpreted as birth and death years.

The suspicious Mraz theorizes that when it became clear that George Bush was going to lose in 1992, “the Republican-appointed postal chiefs sneaked this stamp in” to show America that it was curtains for the White House.

Then, Mraz continues, the Democrats discovered “this snide little joke and rushed to remove it from America’s tongues.”

How?

By raising the price of stamps, of course.

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While the MTA performs its magic. . . : Did you see where magician David Copperfield emerged from a puff of smoke on Tuesday night to accept star No. 2,048 on the Hollywood Walk of Fame? That got us to thinking. We know Copperfield can work wonders. So out of gratitude, shouldn’t he promise to make Hollywood Boulevard reappear if it sinks completely out of sight during Metro Rail construction?

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Chuck E. Cellblock: Throwing caution to the smog, we recently ventured into a Chuck E. Cheese emporium in Lakewood for a birthday party (no, it wasn’t our own). Once we regained our senses, we were pleased to see several security precautions, including video cameras as well as a system of separate hand stamps for each visiting group. And there was a rope blocking the exit, where an employee checked each departing person.

As we were filing out, a hulking man in front of us said to his companion: “Security wasn’t this heavy in prison.”

Pizza probably wasn’t as good, either.

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Buddy, can you spare a carrot?A colleague spotted a young man on a Santa Monica Freeway off-ramp with a sign that said: “Need Money for Organically Grown Vegetarian Raw Food.” Our colleague reported: “He looked very miserable. He didn’t look like he meant it humorously.”

We should add, though, that the Westside is prime film-student country. Just last year, you may recall, Santa Monica police interrupted a UCLA production starring a young actor dressed as the devil and pointing his pitchfork at motorists on the same freeway. His outfit also included an ersatz sexual organ. The devil surrendered peacefully.

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Press releases we never finish: “Betty Rubble has been conspicuously absent from 25-year-old Flintstones Vitamins. In response to a growing national movement . . . Flintstones Vitamins is launching a national polling opportunity to determine if Americans want Betty included as a Flintstones Vitamin. . . .”

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Unpretentious, to say the least: We thought real estate agents were obliged to disclose relevant information about houses they’re trying to peddle. But Beverly Yahata found a case in West L.A. in which the realty agent won’t even disclose what the joint looks like.

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Stop him before he acts again: We mentioned that in states where presidential hopeful (and ex-actor) Robert Dornan is on a primary ballot, his opponents could demand equal time if Dornan’s 1964 movie “The Starfighters” is shown on television.

Well, John Hendry of Van Nuys notes that Dornan also had a role in “A Gathering of Eagles” (1963).

How could we have forgotten? Especially, as Hendry notes, when Dornan utters such dramatic lines at a Strategic Air Command base as, “I’ll go put on more coffee.”

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But enough about rotten films: When people phone the office of L.A. filmmaker Jurgen Vsych, they’re sometimes surprised when she announces the name of her company, which is Wroughten Films. Vsych, whose short, “Son for Sail,” will be broadcast on Britain’s Channel 4, says that when callers question the name, she explains: “That’s wroughten as in, well wrought.”

miscelLAny The controversy involving the late rap star Eric (Eazy-E) Wright only reinforces the long-ago observation of author Ambrose Bierce that death is not the end--”there remains the haggling over the estate.”