Commentary : AND NOW, THE WINNERS OF THE FIRST ‘ANY AWARDS’--TELEVISED, OF COURSE

These days, just about any excuse will do for an award, and all the more so if TV is involved.

TV has the Emmy, of course. And the Daytime Emmy (the televised awards ceremony are next week, in fact). And the Soap Opera Digest Awards. TV also gets in on the Golden Globes and the Screen Actors Guild Awards, the People’s Choice Awards and the Kids’ Choice Awards.

Any pretext will suffice, it seems. Any. Which brings us to the newest awards of all: the First Not-Necessarily-Annual Any Awards.

Bestowed by me, the Any has been established to honor achievement in television of any kind, at any time, for any reason I choose. With the recent official conclusion of the 1994-95 TV season, perhaps now is as good an occasion as any to dole out the first crop of Anys:

* The “Most Tempting Target for an End-of-Season Cheap Shot” Any Award goes to CBS. Think of it: last season’s ratings champ, this season’s ratings goat. (Accepting the award is former CBS President Howard Stringer, who left the network a few weeks ago to head up a new media company.)

* The “Make Sure Fans Can’t Find It” Any, in a close contest with many other series afflicted by jumping-bean scheduling, belongs to “Christy.”

“Christy” last aired in April on a Wednesday night at 8 p.m. Before that, maybe you saw the “Christy” Thanksgiving special. Before that, who even remembers? And although it isn’t canceled, who knows when, if ever, it will be back again?

* The “O.J. Harmonic Convergence” Any. This award confers landmark status on Studio 3C at NBC’s Manhattan headquarters. Now occupied by legal correspondent Jack Ford for Simpson trial updates, it has come to be known around NBC as “the O.J. studio.” But by a weird coincidence, 3C was the very place from where an NBC Sports analyst named O.J. Simpson used to host “NFL Live!”

* The “Low Note” Any, to PBS for its special that featured the music of John Tesh.

* The Any for “Way Coolest Female Role Model” goes to Anna Lee, the tough, tender, savvy and irresistible heroine of several British-produced mysteries telecast on A&E.; Played by Imogen Stubbs, she’s the kind of woman TV drama could use a lot more of.

* The “No Longer Good as Dead” Any goes to the USA cable network for an exceptional upcoming TV film. Exceptional, not because it’s so good, but because “As Good as Dead,” starring Crystal Bernard, is a rare exception to the rule that USA original movies are the pits. (Mark your calendar: “As Good as Dead” premieres May 10.)

* The “Best Smart-Alecky Question for Dave” Any goes to the wag who noted on the Internet that David Letterman typically says, “I have in my hand a copy of tonight’s Top 10,” and wondered: Where’s the original? !

* The “That’s When the Music Died” Any will be shared by all those network bosses who keep chipping away at series’ opening and closing title sequences, sometimes even scrapping the theme music altogether. And a special commendation goes to NBC for inflicting on its shows those cheesy split-screen closing credits. Hey, cool it with the clutter and fine print, will ya? We just got done filling out our 1040 forms.

* The “Turning Point, Indeed” Any is shared by all those TV industry observers who were forecasting last spring that newsmagazines would soon take over the schedule and squeeze out hour dramas.

To the contrary, most of the network magazine shows lost viewers this season, at least two (CBS’ “Eye to Eye” and ABC’s “Day One”) are fighting for their ratings lives, and ABC’s “Turning Point” came and went in less than a year.

Drama, meanwhile, is bigger than ever, which leads us to the evening’s final presentation:

* The Any for “Season’s Worst Call by a TV Critic” is modestly claimed by Frazier Moore, who, before it premiered, not only dismissed the dramatic merits of “ER” ... but also voiced doubt that it would catch on with viewers.