WESTSIDE COVER STORY : TRIPLE TREAT : Physical and Financial Hardships Are Worth the Joy, Say Parents of Multiple-Birth Children

Like any professional couple without children, Robert Simon and Celine Burk had a busy and active social life: Skiing vacations with friends, dinners at fine restaurants, and trips to museums, movies and the theater.

Then, last May, the Simons had triplets.

Besides coping with hectic work schedules, the couple was left grappling with a home routine that had been completely upended.

More than 140 diapers a week had to be changed. Thirty fingernails clipped. There were constant shuttles to the local shopping center. Three separate bathings per day. And up to 24 daily feedings played havoc with their sleeping habits.

The changes have been jarring.

“It feels like we took an unexpected turn down an advanced ski slope with no poles,” said Burk, a public relations director in her 30s. “It’s exhilarating and fun, but also a little scary.”

Burk’s and Simon’s triplets are part of a national trend in multiple-birth rates. In 1992, there were 3,883 sets of babies born in groups of three or more, compared with 907 sets born in 1972. Experts attribute the trend to such factors as the postponement of childbearing by career women (older women are more likely to have multiple births), the increased use of infertility treatments and advances in neonatal care.

While the public often views the parenting of triplets as a fun-loving, three-ring circus, the truth is more complex. Once the babies are born, parents say, the strain and demands often expand exponentially, from seeking extra baby sitters and live-in help to the financial crush of needing a new house and car.

For some, just getting pregnant can be an ordeal in itself, involving expensive reproductive treatments that can reap more than many parents ever hoped to sow. About 72% of triplet births involve fertility drugs and/or advanced reproductive medical treatments according to the Triplet Connection, a national nonprofit support service based in Stockton.

In response to such stresses, support groups have sprouted all over the country including the Westside, which--by virtue of affluence, medical facilities and other factors--has a significant percentage of Los Angeles’ triplet population. Participants gather to discuss relationships and difficulties with isolation, as well as sharing war stories, information on doctors and tips on child-rearing practices.

While agreeing that their babies indeed are a triple miracle, many parents say they can also be a triple whammy, creating conditions that come perilously close to overwhelming.

“It’s a tremendous challenge with a lot of work that can be exhausting,” said Janet Bleyl, a mother of triplets and founder of the Triplet Connection. “But it is also a joy and a blessing which is worth all the effort.”

From inception, triplets pose their own special set of medical risks that parents must consider before going ahead with a full-term pregnancy:

* The average gestation period for triplets is just under 34 weeks, significantly shorter than the average of 40 weeks for a single-birth pregnancy, according to the government’s National Center for Health Statistics. Premature labor--birth before the 37th week of pregnancy--occurs in 91% of triplet pregnancies. The average weight in such births is less than 5 1/2 pounds for each baby.

* About 86% of triplets are delivered by Caesarean section, according to the center.

* The chances of death at the time of or soon after birth is more than 19 times higher for a triplet than a single birth, according to a 1988 study by the Department of Obstetrics at Northwestern University.

* Because of the prevalence of premature delivery, triplets are about twice as likely to suffer from moderate or severe disability than a single birth, according to the Northwestern study.

Although a significant percentage of woman carrying triplets choose to reduce their pregnancy to twins or single fetuses because of the risks, many doctors now say that carrying triplets to full term has never been safer.

“Six or seven years ago, I used to recommend to patients that they reduce their pregnancies to twins [or single births] because of the lack of information on triplets,” said Dr. Khalil Tabsh a Santa Monica physician who specializes in complicated or high risk pregnancies. “But now, I’m more biased towards advising the patients to carry triplets to full term,” said Tabsh, who has delivered more than 50 triplets in the last five years.

With important advances in premature infant care, more and more couples--many of them long hoping for children of their own--are more willing to face the challenge of bearing triplets.

For Cheviot Hills residents Robert Simon and Celine Burk, there was never any question about wanting children. The question was always when to have them.

Though married for more than 10 years, the Simons focused energy on their separate careers. After Simon finished his medical studies at Technion, a university in Haifa, Israel, in 1988, he spent the next 3-1/2 years completing his medical residency at UCLA Medical Center, while Burke continued her work in public relations and as a freelance journalist.

Once Simon’s residency was completed, both realized the time was right for children. (The couple declined to discuss whether they had medical assistance in trying to conceive, calling it a matter of privacy.)

In 1993, Burk found herself pregnant with more than she had bargained for.

“When I found out, I was absolutely shocked, stunned. I thought this must be a mistake,” she said. “We had some brief periods of doubt about how we were going to do this, but it became demystified after meeting other mothers [of multiple-birth children]. We eventually gave way to becoming really happy and excited,” Burk said.

The couple soon came up with nicknames for each fetus. “Flipper” was the active one, “Moose” was named for his prodigious 99th percentile head circumference, and “Princess” was noted for her good behavior.

Though exciting, the pregnancy was a challenge.

“She was carrying these three little beasts that were eating her alive, she had to consume such large amounts of food,” said a friend, Kris Rogers. “Sometimes it was hard for her to eat, she was so full of baby. At times she was exhausted and had back pain.”

After nearly 36 weeks of pregnancy, which included three months of bed rest, Burk gave birth last May to two boys, Ari and Asher, and a girl, Anijke.

Soon, the couple’s life was completely transformed. They had to move from a 1,000-square-foot Brentwood condominium to a five-bedroom home that could accommodate their three young charges and a live-in housekeeper. Round-the-clock feedings, diaper changes and constant laundry loads became the routine. They bought three of everything: clothes, baby formula, toys, bottles, pacifiers, car seats, high chairs, strollers, cribs and playpens. An intercom system was installed connecting the children’s room with the master bedroom and kitchen. The rest of the house had to be baby-proofed.

Food costs escalated by $250-$300-a-month. During a typical week in their first year, the babies consumed eight pounds of apples, five pounds of pears, one pound of rice, four pounds of bananas, three pounds of sweet potatos, three pounds of squash, six pounds of carrots, two pounds of meat, dozens of bagels and packages of rice cakes and six separate five-gallon containers of water.

Because of the added financial strains, Simon had to take a second job at a Van Nuys hospital during evenings and weekends. Burk returned to work as director of public relations for the American Friends of the Hebrew University in Beverly Hills.

There was constant turnover in their domestic help, partially because of the difficulties of caring for multiples. Friends and relatives often had to be asked to help out.

But despite the stresses, both say the last year has been exhilirating.

“I had know idea it would be this much fun, but also how much organization it would take to keep going,” said Burk. “It’s like living in the middle of the L.A. Zoo . . . but it’s such a blast to see three pairs of eyes following the cat across the floor. And when all three are on the swings, it’s a riot--they’re never in sync.”

Added Simon: “As a parent of multiples, it’s much easier to be involved--you have no choice. Whereas if you’re a parent of a singleton you can drift off and just let things happen. . . . This is a very special experience that very few people get to go through.”

Most days are mapped out like preparations for a military campaign.

Taped on the family’s refrigerator is a detailed schedule of the babies’ routine. At 6 a.m., a quick feeding, followed by playtime. By 9 a.m., breakfast is served. The rest of the day is composed of naps, meals and more play, usually under the care of a live-in housekeeper.

On most workdays, Burk returns from work at 5 p.m and plays for an hour with the toddlers in a back bedroom. The area looks like a mini-daycare center, with a veritable romper room of toys, stuffed lions, puppets, playhouses and plastic turtles. The closets are bursting with linens, blankets and a mishmash of colorful second-hand sweaters, pajamas and jumpsuits.

Soon after playtime on a recent workday, the babies are put in high chairs for a dinner of macaroni and cheese, apple sauce and milk. Though strapped in, the infants seem to be everywhere, playing with their food, wiggling in their seats and squirming for attention.

Simon returns from work and a slight panic sets in. The Simon’s longtime cat, Bijou, is missing. Simon heads into to the neighborhood to search for the missing pet. Luckily, Burk has a friend stop by who helps with the feeding. Cherrios, squished pasta and baby bottles litter the floor.

After dinner, the babies’ diapers are changed and the toddlers sung to sleep. The cat is found locked in the bathroom. A nice end to a busy day.

“By gently structuring their activities, you bring rhythm to the babies’ day which makes them in sync with each other and you with them,” Burk said. “With order there is predictability and safety. If the message they get is chaos, they get scared.”

It is a crucial piece of wisdom the Simons often share with other triplet parents at a monthly support group meeting held at the Stephen S. Wise Parenting Center in West Los Angeles.

The group was started in September, 1991, by Jeanne Herman, the parent of 7-year-old triplets. The goal: to share information, advice and experiences among parents of multiple-birth children.

On a recent evening, two couples and six women without their spouses, including Herman, all parents of triplets, met for a spirited discussion of their latest foibles and follies.

A new entrant to the group, a Persian immigrant and mother of seven-month-old triplets, tells of her isolation. She has only been out of the house once with her babies because of worries about transportation and public attention.

Her lament is quickly picked up by others who relate their own difficulties with their “instant celebrity” as triplet parents. Strangers seeking pictures. Others wanting to touch their babies. And the barrage of personal questions: “What happened?” “Are you on drugs?” “Are you still working?”

Questions about fertility drugs and advanced reproductive technologies can be annoying, especially for parents who endured many painful years without children. Parents with a number of single-birth children are rarely questioned, so why should the parents of triplets be interrogated, many say.

And a preoccupation with how triplets were conceived, they say, could come back to haunt the children.

“I can’t help but think that a [triplet] reading about how she came into the world as part of a medical experiment wouldn’t have some sort of psychological problem with it,” said Simon. “The issue of privacy is far more important than the issue of where babies came from.”

Other public comments can rankle. At the support group meeting, Burke recalled how one stranger, a woman, once blurted out in the middle of a crowded restaurant, “Oh, my god, I would just die, if I had that many children.”

Herman tells of once asking a celebrity in a Price Club warehouse how they cope with the constant attention. “I can hide behind sunglasses, but you can’t,” answered the star.

Despite the hassles, others relate there are some advantages to having triplets. Often, they get special parking at Disneyland and shopping centers. Other times, it is help up elevators and public stairwells. Then there is the genuine affection of passersby.

Child psychologists also say that triplet children often exhibit more patience, independence and empathy learned from growing up in a close-knit and sharing environment. Still, experts advise that parents need to encourage the individuality of each child by suggesting diverse pursuits and--once of school age--placing children in separate classrooms.

To other triplet parents, Herman emphasizes the importance of a positive attitude, sense of humor, and organizational skills. She also stresses the importance of seeking help from neighbors, friends, and relatives in caring for their toddlers.

“Parents of multiples must have help out of necessity,” said Herman. “It is not a luxury . . . if you don’t accept help you will hurt your kids.”

The need for assistance is particularly acute among low-income families with triplets, experts say. Some social agencies report they have received requests for help from mothers as young as 14-years-old. Others have provided aid to homeless families with triplets.

Stress caused by sleep deprivation, loss of privacy and other burdens of child care also put families of multiple-birth children at an increased risk of child abuse.

“Studies have shown that child abuse is up to nine times higher in families with [multiple births],” said Patricia Malmstrom, director of Twin Services, a Berkeley-based resource agency for parents. “It’s extremely demanding--constant vigilance, constant pressure. You may be ready for a nap, but they won’t stay put.”

Triplets face a higher risk of being born with severe handicaps, which can further heighten strains.

“There are these beautiful articles about how triplets are all healthy and just great,” said Karen Arnold, mother of a 3 1/2 year old triplet with cerebral palsy.

“But the medical community needs to caution prospective parents about the possibilities of a less than perfect outcome and the impact it can have on families,” she said.

“While I wish my child didn’t have disabilities, I couldn’t imagine life without him,” added Arnold, who started a support group for parents of disabled multiple-birth children.

Despite the considerable pressures, most parents agree they wouldn’t have done it any other way.

“When I was pregnant, some people said to me ‘your life is going to be over,”’ said Burk. “Life is definitely different, richer, fuller and more tiring. But it is not over--far from it.”