COMMITMENTS : In the Name of Love : Should a newly married woman change her last name? Should he take her name? Couples can’t wait for society to catch up, so they’re making their own rules.

It used to be a non-issue. When Jane Doe married Joe Snow, she became Jane Snow. But as gender roles change, more couples are breaking with tradition.

These days, a married woman might remain Jane Doe or become Jane Doe Snow, or Jane Doe-Snow. Her husband might change his name, too, becoming Joe Snow-Doe, Joe Doe-Snow--or even Joe Doe. Some couples are choosing to merge their last names, becoming Jane and Joe Snowdoe.

“There’s been all kinds of engineering with names,” says Rae Moses, a linguistics professor at Northwestern University. Moses surveyed an Illinois grade school with 302 students and found that 32% of them--most of whose mothers were working professionals--had non-traditional last names.

As more options become acceptable, many couples are asking themselves: What’s in a name?

There’s no shortage of answers. To some, the traditional method is a sexist vestige of the days when a woman literally became her husband’s property.

“It’s a subtle but pervasive message that’s passed along--that the line of heritage is male, that it’s most important,” says Sharon Dwyer, a Virginia Tech doctoral student who is researching the topic for her dissertation.

To others, the tradition has long since shed that stigma and has become a romantic symbol of the bond between two people. To still others, it’s a convenient way to dump an unwieldy name.

At least 90% of Americans still follow tradition, says Laurie Scheuble, a sociologist at Doane College in Nebraska. But, she says, as more women establish careers and marry later in life, many are choosing to keep their names.

“I don’t think it’s ever going to be the norm, but I think we’re going to see more of it in the future,” says Scheuble. She has conducted studies on the subject with her husband, David Johnson, a sociologist at the University of Nebraska.

“A strong majority of men and women said if a woman wants to keep her birth name, that’s fine with them,” Johnson says. But, Scheuble adds, people with more education and higher income are more likely to be tolerant of a woman keeping her name, as are people who grew up in large cities. Political and religious leanings also seemed to affect attitudes.

Hillary Rodham Clinton went up against those attitudes in Arkansas. When Bill Clinton was first elected governor in 1978, Hillary used the last name Rodham. But after Bill lost the 1980 election, she became Hillary Clinton to appeal to socially conservative voters. Bill Clinton won reelection in 1982. To this day, however, some people resent her use of Rodham as a middle name.

Randee Schuster Motzkin of Santa Monica didn’t have political concerns, but she, too, waited a while after marriage to add her husband’s last name.

“At first I had no connection to this Randee Motzkin person,” recalls the 28-year-old attorney. “I felt connected to my family. It’s hard to undo what you’ve done for 26 years. You have to ease into this new identity of spouse.”

After about a year, she officially became a Motzkin. “It creates this cement link between husband and wife,” she says.

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Other couples have come up with different ways to create that bond. When Jeff Nicholson of Champaign, Ill., married Dawn Owens, he became Nicholson-Owens; she became Owens-Nicholson.

“I felt it would make me feel a lot closer to her,” says Jeff, 24. “And it seemed fairest. Neither of us loses our heritage in the family tree.”

Dawn, 31, says her family wasn’t thrilled when she broke the news. “My mom was really looking forward to saying, ‘Mr. and Mrs. Jeffrey Nicholson.’ ”

So, apparently, was the Illinois Department of Motor Vehicles. “We had to fight them tooth and nail to get a hyphen on our driver’s licenses,” Dawn says. “They said their software wouldn’t take it.”

Logistical hassles aren’t uncommon for couples who buck tradition. In some cases, society just isn’t set up for husband and wife to have different names. Couples often have difficulties with mortgage applications, bank credit cards and other financial records.

In St. Louis, Joseph Keel, formerly Joseph Buback, says he encountered reverse discrimination when he took his wife’s last name. His credit card company refused to change his name over the phone, even though they said they would do it for a woman.

“I got sort of irate,” says Keel, 34, a medical student. When he suggested to a supervisor that the policy might be discriminatory, he got his way. Keel says he wasn’t trying to make a feminist statement when he took his wife’s name. The couple wanted the same last name, and Joseph just liked Keel better than Buback.

Pete Schult of Santa Cruz took his wife’s name for the same reason: He figured Schult sounded a lot better than Dombrowsky. Julia, 30, was relieved she didn’t have to become a Dombrowsky. “I wasn’t real thrilled with the prospect,” she says.

Nancy Herman of Minneapolis and her husband, Don Perlmutter, came up with yet another variation: They merged their names, becoming the Perlmans.

Nancy, who considered eight options before choosing Perlman, says she wishes more couples would use non-traditional names. “I think Americans are very uptight about their willingness to change,” she says. “I think America needs a new system.”

Several other countries do have different naming methods.

“Around the world, it’s not seen as a big deal” if a woman keeps her name, says Dwyer, the doctoral student. In some Scandinavian and Latin American countries, married women often keep their names.

In Japan, says Northwestern’s Moses, if a woman with no siblings marries into a family that has several sons, her husband will sometimes take her family name. “It’s kind of a gift that the groom’s family gives to the bride’s family,” Moses says.

Cathie Whittenburg of Portland, Me., was determined that her last name would be passed down. Her daughter, born first, has the last name of her husband, Lenny Shedletsky. But her son is a Whittenburg. As for what names the grandkids will get, Lenny says his children will have to figure that one out on their own.

“Someday [society] will have to solve the issue. Right now, we’re in this holding stage. We’re seeking solutions. Maybe that’s typical of our generation. We’re just putting it off--like with deficit spending.”