COMMITMENTS : Teach Your Children Well

Teaching children respect for others is a tough but necessary job. And it’s one that is not being done as well as it needs to be by any of us, if events in recent weeks in two privileged Connecticut suburbs are any indication.

In Greenwich, five students conspired to leave a chilling racist message in the Greenwich High School yearbook. In New Canaan, 56 students, a quarter of the graduating class, defaced 20 classrooms with kitty litter, syrup, herring; hanged a teacher in effigy, and caused water damage to parts of the school.

These stories are no different from those we’ve been hearing from communities across the country. And, while it’s true that the majority of children and adults do have respect for others, there seems to be a growing minority who don’t have a clue as to what living together in society is all about.

So what can we do to make sure respect for others remains a cornerstone of our society?

We need to begin at home, not just monitoring what our children say and do, but what we say and do. Judging others by things outside their control--race, ethnic background, gender, religion, age, physical characteristics--is wrong and should be off-limits in conversation among adults as well as children.

A “them versus us” mentality is to be avoided. Judging people by what community they live in is wrong. Such comments as, “What can you expect from someone from that part of town?” or “They’re outsiders, they weren’t born here,” are wrong, and can be the start of a fundamental lack of respect for those who are different from us in any way.

The same can be said for judging people on how much they earn and what they possess. It should be self-evident that one’s bank account is hardly a character reference, but in a materialistic society it seems that he who has the most toys wins. We need to discourage this attitude.

It’s important to stand up for what is right. If we are part of a conversation that turns racist, we should name what’s going on; we should make a judgment about what’s going on. If someone is cheating, or defacing property, or stealing a souvenir from a hotel or restaurant, we should stop it. If we don’t stand up for what we believe in, how can we expect our children to?

Does this sound too absolute? Too tough?

Life is tough. And it’s also absolute. If we don’t strongly support the standards of civilization, we’ll lose it.