Camp Fire Still Burns in NFL
Checking in on the opening of NFL training camps, just for old times’ sake . . .
ST. LOUIS--Exuberant and curious St. Louis football fans turn out by the hundreds for the Rams’ first round of two-a-days, only to have their spirits dashed when they learn the team will be quarterbacked by Chris Miller and Mark Rypien, who will be throwing to Isaac Bruce and Alexander Wright behind an offensive line anchored by Dwayne White and Zach Wiegert, resulting in a lot of long field-goal attempts taken by Steve McLaughlin. Grass-roots “Bring Back The Cardinals” movement begins immediately.
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OXNARD--Oakland Raider officials hold a closed-door meeting to discuss a suitable site for their annual “Battle of L.A.” charity exhibition game with the St. Louis Rams, decide to meet the Rams halfway. Aug. 12 game now set for Pueblo, Colo.
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LA JOLLA--Billing themselves as “Southern California’s Professional Football Franchise” and promising to uphold the proud traditions of the Rams and the Raiders in 1995, the San Diego Chargers begin preparations to miss the playoffs.
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ROCKLIN, Calif.--Bored to tears over the prospect of winning their ninth NFC West championship in 10 years by simply remembering to dress for all 16 regular-season games, the San Francisco 49ers decide to have some fun this time and try to do it by starting ex-Rams Derek Loville at tailback, Marquez Pope at cornerback and Clifford Hicks at punt returner. “This sure beats St. Louis,” Loville declares. “Twice a year,” Pope agrees.
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RIVER FALLS, Wis.--Kansas City running back Greg Hill, who has been telling reporters the Chiefs will be better this season without Joe Montana, is ordered off the practice field by Coach Marty Schottenheimer and instructed not to return until he puts on a helmet.
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SAN ANTONIO--Ex-Colt, ex-Buccaneer, ex-Cardinal and ex-Ram quarterback Chris Chandler arrives for the opening day of Houston Oiler workouts, delighted he can now add to his “Worst Teams In The NFL” playbook collection. “Next year, when I go to Cincinnati,” Chandler says, “I’ll have the complete set.”
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SMITHFIELD, R.I.--Day 1 in the New England Patriots’ camp begins with Corey Croom, Sam Gash, Burnie Legette, Curtis Martin and Dino Philyaw competing for the two starting running back positions. Day 2 begins with Sam (Bam) Cunningham announcing his comeback.
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HEMPSTEAD, N.Y.--The leading question facing the New York Jets as they open camp with Rich Kotite, their third head coach in three years, is who will be their fourth head coach in four years?
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TAMPA--Punter Reggie Roby, the first free agent signed by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers during the off-season, watches the first-team offense run through the Buccaneers’ first intrasquad scrimmage and immediately understands why.
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AUSTIN, Tex.--Fox broadcaster Jimmy Johnson arrives at Dallas Cowboys camp to tape an interview with Troy Aikman but forgets to take off his two Super Bowl rings and is ordered off the premises by Jerry Jones for “rubbing it in.” Barry Switzer, ladling Dijon mustard onto a hot dog during wind sprints, fails to notice.
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BEREA, Ohio--The Cleveland Browns’ first session of passing drills ends on a disappointing note, with new wide receiver Andre Rison angrily brushing past quarterback Vinny Testaverde in mid-workout and storming off the field. “Every ball was end over end,” Rison groused as he headed for his rented limousine. “I didn’t come here to field punts.”
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WILMINGTON, Ohio--The Cincinnati Post cancels its “Who Should Be The Bengals’ Starting Quarterback, Jeff Blake Or David Klinger?” reader poll when two weeks pass and only three ballots are returned, two of them blank and the other one suggesting nothing but center snaps back to Ki-Jana Carter, shotgun style, minus the middle man.
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DAVIE, Fla.--Inundated by Super Bowl predictions and “Last Chance For Don And Dan” headlines, Miami Dolphins quarterback Dan Marino interrupts practice when he discovers his two new wide receivers, Randall Hill and Gary Clark, played last season for the Cardinals, who were 22nd in passing and 27th in scoring. Says Marino to Coach Don Shula: “Explain to me again how this is supposed to work.”
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WEST CHESTER, Pa.--The Philadelphia Eagles are disappointed to learn that new Coach Ray Rhodes’ implementation of the 49ers’ “West Coast” offense consists of Ricky Watters, red jerseys, fans chanting “We Want Joe!” every time Randall Cunningham drops back to pass and Rhodes showing Eagles receivers video clips of Jerry Rice and instructing them, “See, do it just like that.”
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STEVENS POINT, Wis.--Jacksonville Jaguars quarterback Steve Beuerlein and offensive coordinator Kevin Gilbride are sidelined with abominable injuries after they hear the news that Buddy Ryan will begin his second season in Arizona with either Dave Krieg or Mike Buck running the offense. “You could hear the laughing all the way across the complex,” Jaguars Coach Tom Coughlin reports.
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SPARTANBURG, S.C.--Trying to incite the first rivalry in the history of the fledgling franchise, Carolina Panthers Coach Dom Capers tells reporters, “We haven’t even played a game and we have Frank Reich and Kerry Collins at quarterback, Barry Foster at running back and Mark Carrier, Don Beebe and Pete Metzelaars as receivers. I guarantee you this--we won’t have the worst offense in the NFC West this year. We’re already better than the Rams.” Reached for comment, Rams Coach Rich Brooks retorts, “What can I say? He’s right.”