FAMILIES : United States : Give and Take Marks Search for Middle-American Dream : Couple struggles to balance work, children, chores and changing values and still come out ahead.

Not far from a large soccer field in this Dallas suburb lies a quiet neighborhood, a labyrinth of brick homes and neatly trimmed lawns. An evening lull quickly evaporates when 3-year-old Blake Turner throws open the front door to his house.

“Welcome,” he says. “Do you want to see my room? Do you want to play? Let’s watch TV!” Arms outstretched, he runs into the living room and is swooped up by his father, Mike. High above the floor, Blake surveys his kingdom: a simply furnished family room, chocolate chip cookies on the kitchen counter, and a plastic swing set in the back yard. “This is where I live. This is my house,” he announces.

For Blake’s parents, Mike and Darla Turner, the cheerful pink brick house helps define who they are: middle-income wage earners striving to raise a family and achieve financial security. “Our life is a big balancing act between work and home,” said Mike, a 34-year-old account manager at an Arlington printing company. “We worked hard for this, the house, to afford children. It’s what we both wanted.”

Like her husband, 30-year-old Darla Turner, a second-grade teacher, wants to build a life of stability and tradition. “If we want to live a middle-class lifestyle, I have to work,” she said. “But it’s important to us that our children have a sense of home and family. That’s our main goal.”

The Turners’ world revolves around their two small sons.

Precocious Blake is always in motion, laughing at Barney on television one minute and dragging a rocking horse twice his size the next. Brandon, 14 months, is comparatively quiet but still mischievous enough--and quick enough--to slip unnoticed into the back yard garden to play in the dirt.

Their children are the main reason Darla works as a teacher: Her hours are regular and summers are free to spend at home. “I love teaching, but a job is also a necessity,” she said. “We couldn’t afford a house and children on one salary. That’s the way life is today.”

As it is, Darla says they live paycheck to paycheck on a combined annual income of $57,000. On their wish list this summer was a vacation to Las Vegas or a minivan. “We decided to pay off the MasterCard instead,” she said. “We’re forgoing the extras to pay off the bills.”

The budget was further squeezed by a 30% pay cut Mike took when he left his job as a Dallas restaurant manager to work for a company closer to home. “I was working 80 hours a week at the restaurant and wasn’t able to be with the family as much as I wanted,” he said.

The extra work allowed the Turners to save enough money for a down payment on the house, but they realized the emotional price on the family was too high. When the restaurant offered to relocate Mike to Shreveport, La., several years ago, he declined and found a less time-consuming job.

“It was a trade-off,” he said. “We’re sacrificing a higher income for more family time. It sounds corny, but family is what it’s all about. It’s worth it.”

For the most part, the Turners are so focused on the present that they have little time to plan--or save--for the future. They are determined, however, to send their boys to college. Mike, the son of a Marine Corps drill sergeant, was the first in his family to complete college. He insists his sons follow suit. “There’s no question about college. They’re going, but it’ll probably be a state college,” he said.

During five years of marriage, the Turners have developed a shorthand method of making major decisions: “We discuss the options, then we mostly do what I want,” said Darla. “After I talk him into it, he’s glad that it happened.”

Mike Turner arched an eyebrow but didn’t disagree. So far, Darla’s successful campaigns have included marriage and a new house. Her next challenge: another child, a girl, she hopes. Mike noted that Darla is outgoing and optimistic, the one who “always feels things will turn out all right.”

“I’m the conservative one,” he added. “I want to wait and weigh things before making a decision. Darla just jumps in there and does them.” Fortunately, the Turners see eye-to-eye on the family budget.

“If I want to buy something for myself, I usually do. It’s not like Lucy Ricardo, ‘Oh Ricky, can I buy a new hat?’ ” said Darla. “But I don’t go crazy, and neither does Mike. We know how much we have and what we’re working toward.”

The couple takes turns paying the monthly bills. “Whoever has the time does it,” she said.

Most of their disagreements involve household chores. “I do about 95% of the housework,” said Darla. “I would rather he did more, that we take turns with the dishes and cooking and cleaning.”

Mike takes the kids for a walk and sometimes bathes them at night, but “it’s not 50-50 or anywhere close to it in the work that we do at the house,” said Darla.

“I work a full-time job and come home and do a full-time job at home. He mows the lawn once a week and takes out the garbage twice a week. That’s three things he does the whole week. I nag on him to do more, but usually it’s just easier to do it myself.”

Darla’s parents, who still live in Arlington, visit weekly, usually on a Sunday. Often Mike’s father, who lives nearby, and his mother, who lives in Louisiana, join them. The grandparents’ role is twofold: to dispense doting, unconditional love and to act as built-in baby-sitters. “It’s a good support system,” said Darla. “We know they’re there if we need them but they don’t try to tell us how to raise the children.”

Once in awhile, a grandparent will point at rambunctious Blake and suggest a little discipline. “When we were growing up, they [parents] scared us by popping the belt; it was a big ordeal,” said Darla. “We’re more into timeouts and talks. It seems to work.”

The Turners aren’t overly concerned about the erosion of family values since, in their lives, family values are still intact.

“We can only teach the children what we know, and it’s up to them from there,” said Mike.

Between work and family, it’s hard to find time for socializing with friends. “They’re busy, we’re busy. You get caught up in your life,” said Mike. The Turners try to set aside one evening a week for time alone at dinner or a movie.

“Sometimes you wonder if you’re doing the right thing by your children,” said Darla. “I’m not home baking cookies for them all day. It’s an economic necessity to work. But we’re doing the best we can. We try to be as close to Beaver Cleaver as we can get in the 1990s.”

Profile

* Father: Mike Turner, 34

* Mother: Darla, 30

* Father’s Occupation: Account Manager

* Mother’s Occupation: Teacher

* Home: A brick house in Arlington, Tex.

* Annual income: $57,000