LAUGH LINES : Punchlines

In the news: Comedy writer Russ Myers, on killer hurricane Marilyn: “Experts predict it will veer up the East Coast and then lay over at Hyannis Port.”

Adds comedy writer David Jerome: “Did you know that when Marilyn was just getting started, she was known as tropical storm Norma Jean.”

Comedy writer Dave Margolis, on the Artist Formerly Known as Prince putting his Beverly Hills home up for sale: “He wasn’t happy there, but he never really gave it much of an effort. He lived there three years and didn’t even bother to learn the former names of any of his neighbors.”

Comedy writer Paul Ryan, on the Postal Service no longer giving out the forwarding address of people who have moved: “Carriers will, however, continue forwarding mail of people who haven’t.”

Cutler Daily Scoop, on a 1977 model ATM being donated to the Smithsonian: “It will join other relics in banking history, such as no service charges.”

Jay Leno, on the NC-17 rating given the new movie “Showgirls”: “That rating means that no one under 17 will be allowed to see it--until it is on HBO.”

Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, on the space shuttle Endeavour’s problem with a clogged human waste container: “NASA tried to contact an expert on dealing with floating sewage, but Judge Lance Ito was unavailable.”

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Cirque du O.J.: “Dream Teamers want to call ex-Mafioso Tony (The Animal) Fiato. Finally, they have found a way to make the defense lawyers look a little less sleazy.” (Cutler)

* “To get into the mood to question Fiato, Johnnie Cochran has been riding to work in the trunk of his car.” (Bob Mills)

* “When O.J. said he had the family’s support, we didn’t know he meant The Family .” (Jerry Perisho)

* “Richard Dreyfus attended the trial Monday, researching lawyers to prepare for his next film. It seems like every time Dreyfus’ career needs a little boost, he makes a shark movie.” (Argus Hamilton)

* “The tabloids have reported that O.J. expects to be acquitted and, that right after the trial, he is planning to run away to Mexico. Just like before the trial.” (Leno)

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What are the odds . . . on LAPD Chief Willie L. Williams’ $10 million claim against the city?

* “If he wins, he’s asked for the money in rolls of nickels.” (Mills)

* “If his personal diary is any indication, he’ll place everything on eight, the hard way.” (Brad Halpern)

* “For the first time in years, an LAPD crisis isn’t a black and white problem. It’s a black and red one.” (Tony Peyser)

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Long Beach reader Lisa Ramelow was talking to son Ryan, 7, about his feisty sister Hannah, 4, entering kindergarten, and told him that Hannah’s classroom would be only two doors down from his.

“That’s great Mom,” Ryan replied. “When she gets sent to the principal’s office, I’ll be able to wave to her!”