How to Win Approval of the Bored

It’s enough to make parents want to drop the kids at the next gas station and speed off alone. For once it isn’t the back-seat bickering that’s setting the front-seaters on edge. It’s worse: The kids are loudly, annoyingly and frustratingly bored. No matter what activities are on the schedule, they’re not interested. And they want to make sure you’re miserable, too. As far as the junior travelers are concerned--the teen-agers in particular--traveling with the family is a drag.

But we can take comfort from a new study indicating that we are not the only ones so stricken. Boredom is a common problem on family vacations.

Sega of America polled nearly 900 parents and more than 500 kids ages 6 to 17 by telephone. Nearly half the kids said they get bored on family vacations while, not surprisingly, parents reported having a far better time.

Two-thirds of the teen-agers polled described family travel as “little fun.” Forty percent consider cross-country travel with their parents worse than cleaning their rooms or eating vegetables.

The kids rated family discussion in the car as among the worst experiences. Also on the unpopular list were singing or being without a television for hours at a stretch, especially when cooped up with siblings, the dog or mom’s boyfriend.

The answer is not to keep kids entertained every minute. A little boredom is, in fact, a good thing, according to child development experts.

“It’s important for kids to take charge of their own boredom and come up with something to do that will be fun,” said child psychologist Sharon Berry, who practices at Children’s Memorial Hospital in Chicago.

“Parents shouldn’t feel they have to be camp directors every minute,” Berry said. Instead, grab the opportunity to teach kids to entertain themselves. Can they make up stories? Read a book? Work on a craft such as making string bracelets?

Just getting them started may be enough. For example: Announce a shell hunt on the beach and reward whoever finds the 10 biggest shells with an ice cream sundae.

Hand each child five postcards addressed to their favorite people. Let them write short messages and send them home.

Grab a ball and organize an informal game of soccer with whoever is in the vicinity.

Start a complicated story and let each person in the family embellish upon it. The tale can run on for days.

“A lot of times when kids say they’re bored, they’re not bored at all. They’re really saying it’s time to do something else,” said Joan Bergstrom, an education professor at Wheelock College in Boston, who is an expert on children’s out-of-school time. Bergstrom, author of “The Best Summer Ever” (Tricycle Press, $9.95), is convinced that the more kids are actively involved in planning a trip, the less they’ll complain that they’re bored.

Even before a trip, let them contribute by asking their advice on what to do, where to stay and, if possible, what itinerary to follow.

In the car, let them select the lunch spot and decide whether the afternoon’s entertainment will be a beach or a water slide. Make sure, of course, that each child gets an equal number of choices. If the children are small, hand each a shoe box and let them make a vacation treasure chest from ticket stubs, postcards, vials of sand, rocks--whatever they like. Bergstrom promises the children will spend lots of time in the car marveling at their treasures.

If they complain about visiting relatives who are boring, suggest that the family go out and buy something to plant in the garden. The next time the family visits, the kids can see how much it has grown. Or suggest that they draw a picture inspired by their visit and take it to a do-it-yourself frame store. Present it to the host at the end of the visit.

Parents also need to remember that their ideas of what constitutes a boring afternoon may differ significantly from what their children think is boring. While Mom and Dad may enjoy a two-hour lunch or a leisurely stroll through an art gallery, an 8-year-old will think it’s extremely boring, unless there’s a fountain nearby to jump through.

And while Mom and Dad start to get antsy after an hour at a playground, a 4-year-old child may be content to settle in for the entire afternoon.

When teen-agers say they’re bored, that may mean they don’t want to be seen anywhere near any parents, said Dr. Victor Strassburger, an adolescent specialist with the University of New Mexico Medical School and a spokesmen on adolescents for the American Academy of Pediatrics. “Parents just have to recognize that the kids are going through the parents-as-lepers syndrome. The kids simply don’t want to be around parents. But on vacation, it’s hard for them to get away.” Take along another teen-ager so the two can commiserate about how dumb the adults are. Another option is to head someplace such as Club Med Huatulco in Mexico, where a new teen club has just been inaugurated, to keep them busy snorkeling, kayaking and playing basketball.

Wherever you are, when the children start complaining, don’t get upset. Explain calmly that a little boredom is good for them, hand them a new book and return to enjoying yourself.

Taking the Kids appears weekly.