Full House : Raising Twins, Triplets and Even Quadruplets Multiplies the Hassles-- but Also the Blessings--of the Holidays for These Orange County Families

So, you think you have a lot to juggle this season. Imagine dragging not just one, but four 2-year-olds to see Santa. Or outfitting three 4-year-olds in holiday outfits. Or buying presents for a trio of 13-year-olds.

Full-time teachers and parents of quadruplets, Pam and Scott Morris of Yorba Linda don’t have much time for holiday trappings. Still, by the first week of December, they’ve managed to station four toy soldiers in the frontyard to await Santa’s arrival.

Like many parents of multiples, the Morrises will buy used toys and secondhand clothes for Christmas presents this year and keep the holiday hubbub to a minimum.

During the holiday season, the day-to-day struggles with feeding, clothing, and caring for a handful of children all at once are compounded by gift giving, tree trimming and parties.

The reality is that the joy of an instant houseful of children is often paired with struggle--from cramped nurseries and tight budgets to marital stress.

But, say the parents who face the fiscal and emotional challenges with rueful smiles, there’s not time to do anything but forge ahead.

“Everything is totally different with four,” Pam says. “I don’t have the money to buy what some kids have. And I don’t buy anything new because I’m not having more children for my kids to pass things down to.”

One thing they won’t have to buy is a bigger house. They did that about a year ago, right before their small home in Fullerton went into foreclosure. When they couldn’t sell the first home for anything near the $190,000 they paid for it in 1989, they stopped paying the mortgage.

“It was the perfect-sized house for two people, but it was very cramped for seven,” Scott says. The live-in au pair had one bedroom, the parents had another bedroom, two babies had the third bedroom, one had the hallway and another slept in the living room.

In 1994, they used savings and retirement money for a down payment on a four-bedroom house that came with a child-friendly yard full of swing sets, sandboxes and forts left behind by the owners, who ran day care at the site.

Memories of the Fullerton squeeze in the little house are still fresh.

“We tried to plead a hardship case with the bank, but they said we didn’t qualify,” Pam says. “We had to think what was more important. We were all on top of each other. These kids need parents who can stay together, and we needed more room. We let the house go, and we have no regrets.”

It ruined their credit, they say, but saved their marriage.

Probably nothing symbolizes their lifestyle change more than the fenced-off living room: Used only for guests, it houses the white furniture bought before Pam got pregnant.

“Who knew we’d have quadruplets?” Pam asks. “But we’re enjoying them to the hilt.”

Making ends meet in a family of what the medical field calls “higher-order multiples” is a daily challenge. Stretching the food dollar means lots of meatloaf, buying groceries in bulk and stocking up during sales. Pam figures she racks up about a 30% discount on her $100 weekly grocery bill by clipping coupons. She buys in bulk, especially the eight-breast packages of chicken, which she will buy eight at a time. They stack nicely in the freezer and cost about half what the smaller packs cost.

“Our financial situation has changed so dramatically,” Pam says. “I never buy when the need arises; I always buy in quantity and during sales. Same thing with shoes: I have a set price in my head that I will pay and buy them during Target sales.”

Still, the family figures it needs two full-time incomes to meet expenses.

“I can’t afford not to work,” says Pam, who teaches second grade and hired a live-in Danish au pair soon after the children were born. The au pair tends the 2-year-olds during the day, and the parents take over in the evenings.

“Maybe if we had bought in Corona or farther out, we could have afforded for me to stay home. But now I have to work.”

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Buying a house anywhere would have been a dream come true for Lee and Barry Deslatte, parents of 9-month-old triplets Dana, Trevor and Amber. The Deslatte family rents a two-bedroom Anaheim apartment, where one bedroom holds three cribs, a changing table and a daybed and the other sleeps mom and dad.

“We’re struggling right now, but we’re getting by,” says Lee, who has written to scores of companies asking for help and handouts. Her pediatrician gives her plenty of free samples of medicine, and many firms, such as Enfamil and Beechnut, have sent free food or coupons. The Today’s Kids yard-equipment company invited the family to select an item from its catalog for free.

It all helps, when you consider that in a week the family goes through about 72 jars of baby food ($40), 175 diapers ($25) and 15 cans of formula ($40) a week. Lee, whose husband is a two-way-radio repairman, stocks up on coupons for food, diapers and toys.

“Some companies have gotten so many requests for help that they’ll only give to quads or more,” Lee says. Other parents of multiples say they haven’t been as successful in enlisting support from manufacturers and merchants.

“A lot of companies and people help out in the beginning, then it starts to dwindle,” Pam Morris says.

Like the other mothers interviewed, Lee underwent fertility treatments but was still surprised she was carrying more than two.

“They tell you there is a chance of twins, but you don’t think it will be more than that.”

“I’m happy,” she adds. “We’re not struggling so much that I have to go to work. My husband doesn’t want someone else raising our kids, and I don’t either. Some days I’d love to be at work, but right now I’m glad I can stay home.”

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Working part time has been a good solution to the double-whammy time and money crunch for Kathryn Douglas, a single mother of 4-year-old triplets.

She works three days a week, and the children attend preschool--followed by extended day care the other two days. She and her husband separated when the the babies were 6 months old. The children live with their mother, and their father helps with child support and rearing.

Douglas makes ends meet with secondhand clothes and toys, shopping at Costco and other warehouse stores, and taking the kids to free parks and nature centers. Occasionally, they visit a McDonald’s with a playground, where the kids can cavort while mom pays bills at a table nearby.

For Christmas, she will buy each child a present and one big gift for all of them, perhaps playground equipment or a playhouse. Instead of taking the group to the the mall for photos with Santa, she’ll take them to the free annual Triplet Reunion at St. Joseph Hospital in Orange, set for today.

“The kids don’t really expect a lot during the holidays,” she says. “They may see a commercial and say they want something, but I tell them I don’t have the money, and they understand.”

Douglas says she has been lucky because, like many of the other parents of triplets and quads, her kids have been given lots of clothes. Grandparents and other relatives have helped out with money and baby-sitting.

“I really don’t have to buy any clothes for them,” she says, adding a tip for perspective parents of multiples echoed by many: “Don’t be afraid to take handouts! Don’t be afraid to accept hand-me-downs!”

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Francine and David Gibbons of Irvine remember the early years of sleepless nights, endless diapers and big formula bills, but these days they face new challenges.

Their triplets are now 13--and like many others their age, wearing braces and making regular treks to the orthodontist. They are hearing-impaired, so each wears a hearing aid and is assisted by interpreters. Besides school and homework, all are active in sports, which means practices, games and soccer uniforms that need to be washed.

As the children have grown, the family’s financial responsibilities have not tapered off. Three college educations also loom.

“Every age has its challenges, and kids are always expensive. We need three of everything at the same time,” says Francine, a part-time accountant with an office in Irvine. “They all need shoes, coats, sports equipment. As they get older, their sports equipment gets more expensive, their clothes get more expensive. If you can afford it, you put money away, or you cut from one thing to afford another. I had to go back to work.”

Francine says 13 years ago triplets were less common and hospitals less prepared to deliver them. She was scheduled to deliver at Hoag Memorial Hospital Presbyterian, but when her doctor found out she was having triplets, she was switched to St. Joseph. Because premature and multiple births were less common, less information on caring and coping was available.

“My kids are the oldest at the triplet reunion, and the mothers always ask, what’s ahead for us? Everybody warns you that the teen years are the hardest. You no longer have the physical demands of bathing and diapering, but it becomes more challenging keeping everybody on track with sports and schools.”

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Janet Bleyl, a Stockton mother of 10, found such a dearth of information when she became pregnant with triplets that in 1983 she launched an organization to help parents of multiples.

The Triplet Connection is a national support and information network that publishes a quarterly newsletter and maintains a medical database.

“The No. 1 one thing that parents need to keep in mind is that it does get easier,” Bleyl says. “Somehow, things always work out. There were times when there were big crunches with 10, but we’ve always had a roof over our heads and food to eat. When they’re little, they don’t need brand-new matching high chairs and cribs. They don’t know the difference. When they’re older, you don’t have to buy them new cars.”

Bleyl urges parents to keep a tight grip on their wallets and reality during the holidays.

“We do our children a great disservice by overdoing it. Our society has become so materialistic that children expect 10 gifts. Don’t start them on that. Look at each child and know them well. Get them the one thing they might really want.”

And don’t forget the true meaning of Christmas, she adds.

“Multiples are blessed because they learn patience, they learn to share, they learn the joys of simple things.”

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Assistance Is Just a Phone Call Away

Organizations that help parents of multiples with information, hand-me-downs, used toys and equipment include:

* Orange County-based Multiple Miracle Moms. (714) 832-7161

* The Triplet Connection, a national group. (209) 474-0885; e-mail: triplets@inreach.com.