But you do get to drive a...

But you do get to drive a spectacular car:

The Hope Heart Foundation’s newsletter notes that a warning appears on the label of Kenner Products’ Batman costume:

“Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly.”

GRADING COLLEGE GRUB: “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Getting Into College,” by Dr. O’Neal Turner, contains some rankings of colleges and universities in unorthodox categories. Here are the local schools that received mentions in the following classifications:

* “Friendly students”: Loyola Marymount

* “Studious” undergrads: Caltech and Harvey Mudd

* “Beautiful campus”: Pepperdine

* “Students who seem very happy”: Occidental

* “Outstanding food”: Pepperdine

In the academic area, there’s a ranking of top theater and drama programs that cites UCLA’s department. But the author snubbed USC, the home of the Steven Spielberg Music Scoring Stage, the George Lucas Instructional Building and the Johnny Carson Television Center.

Obviously, USC needs to come up with some real name contributors to be taken seriously.

DON’T LEAVE A PAPER TRAIL: A couple of signs outside the L.A. City Ethics Commission’s office seem to offer a warning for officeholders and department chiefs to avoid being identified on any personal documents. Actually, the sign was posted because the shop that offers the pictures, copies and fingerprint services is around the corner.

THE POSTMAN WHO HATED TO RING EVEN ONCE: In discussing a new screenplay about a volcano that erupts in L.A., we theorized that, for maximum publicity value, the lava slide would knock over the HOLLYWOOD sign.

That prompted a note from Margaret Romani, whose residence was just below the “H” in the 1930s. She pointed out the neighborhood was fascinating in real life.

“I lived next door to novelist James M. Cain (‘The Postman Always Rings Twice’), across the canyon from Bela Lugosi and up the street from the Rev. Violet Greener, the Ghost of Hollywood,” Romani wrote.

Romani wasn’t sure why Greener was called the Ghost of Hollywood, but she did recall her real postman saying that he was afraid to go to Lugosi’s house. It turned out that the actor “had two huge Great Danes that would leap at him every time they saw him.”

OFF COURSE: A weekend protest at an Orange County golf course grew out of a rumor that O.J. Simpson was going to play there. Simpson never showed. And the club’s management denied that a tee time was ever reserved for him. But it did have a reservation for a Stimpson--of Stimpson Lumber.

CRACKED CRYSTAL BALL: Sarah Montoya of Monterey Park received a phone call from a rep for Psychic Research, who said: “I had a message that someone from this number called for a psychic reading. Was that you, ma’am?”

“I think you have the wrong number,” Montoya said.

“You didn’t call for a psychic reading?” the caller persisted.

Montoya said no, and the solicitor finally hung up, sensing defeat at last.

miscelLAny:

A ceremony is planned in April to mark the 40th anniversary of the incorporation of the great city of Dairy Valley. Did we say Dairy Valley? Oops. We notice that it has since changed its name to Cerritos. Got to update our Rolodex.